There are many people who try to downplay and invalidate women's experiences with sexual harassment. They claim it's just how the world works, and part of the game. They say it's not a big deal, and go so far as to say that women should take it as a compliment. They say women are overreacting to catcalls, and unwanted attention just walking down the street.
Situations like this aren't just about the sexual component. It's about control and security. It means that your job, the means of supporting yourself and your family, is dependent on letting men in more powerful positions demean you and objectify you. It takes away any feeling of control, and leaves you at the mercy of the whims of people that have no respect for you. It is scary, and it basically forces you into the role of supplicant.
As a woman in that situation, you could speak up and report it, or demand respect, but that is a very risky and scary strategy. Many times you are called a liar, or told you are overreacting, or fired because you are seen as a liability. The vast majority of jobs don't pay enough to cover the immense legal bills to fight harassment or an unlawful firing from your job.
People tend to have this fantasy scenario where companies have proactive human resources departments where this behavior isn't tolerated. You just report it and your boss is reprimanded and fired, and there is some kind of safe and level playing field. That is very far from reality in the vast majority of cases, don't fool yourself.
Most people don't even work for some huge corporation with departmental oversight, or in high profile jobs. They work at a small, family owned business as a receptionist or bookkeeper. They work at a restaurant or big box store, or a bank or small office. Maybe they are a sales rep, where they have to put up with harassment from their bosses and their clients.
Everyday they spend eight plus hours in a situation where they have little control over their lives. They are stuck in a situation where their livelihood is in jeopardy if they don't tolerate being treated as less than human. What do you think that does to someone's psyche? How do you think that's acceptable, and something someone should tolerate, let alone take as a compliment? I imagine it would make you feel like a prey animal on the savanna, surrounded by predators.
Which is the same way catcalls and wolf-whistles on the street would make you feel. It is demeaning and disarming to have men treating you like a thing to ogle and leer at. It calls unwanted attention, shining a spotlight on you as you are debased and objectified.
It steals your security and makes you feel unsafe and uncomfortable while you are simply going about your day. It is telling you that you are only valued based on your looks and sex appeal. It completely changes your environment, causing anxiety and fear.
How does a woman know if your unwanted attention and harassment is going to escalate to violence or sexual abuse? If she tries to pass it off or diffuse it with a laugh or a forced smile, that might invite even more interaction. If she ignores you, or rebuffs you, that could result in aggression and conflict.
So you are putting her in a position of stress and uncertainty, destroying her security and any feeling of control, and undermining her self worth as you treat her like a plaything. You are dehumanizing her.
Does that sound like innocent fun? Does that sound like a compliment?
Does that sound like respect?
Yet this is what men do to women everyday, and then complain when women are offended, or feel harassed or unsafe.
The sad truth is, your abhorrent behavior isn't even strength, it is weakness. You are so pathetic that you can't even approach a women on a level playing field, you need to try to berate or intimidate her, make inappropriate comments, or jeer like an adolescent boy. You are immature and insecure, and desperately trying to control the thing you desire with no thought to how it might make her feel.
You are a sociopath.
It's not that women can't take a joke. It's not that women can't take a “compliment”. It's not that they are uptight, or no fun, or making a big deal out of nothing.
The problem isn't women, the problem is you.
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