Thursday, October 24, 2019

Check Your Balances ...

One of the things I’m taking away from this whole horrible Trump debacle is that the checks and balances in place to safeguard our democracy only work if people agree to adhere to the rules of the game. Trump and his gang of thieves and tyrants don’t care about decorum or optics or shame anymore. They don’t care if they break laws, on the books or unwritten. Who’s going to stop them? Perhaps the Dems and the few respectable Republicans left out there, and maybe the Constitution, eventually.
In the meantime, they openly mock the principles and good faith that our entire system of government and social structure depends on.
Why do you think people in power are so desperate to quell any anarchy or questioning of authority? Why do you think they have so many jackboots on the ground, keeping the people down that they are sworn to protect? Why do you think they want us so dependent on our jobs and our credit scores and afraid to rock the boat? Why are we bombarded with fear mongering stories about murderers and rapists right outside our doors, and how we need to fear everyone rather than engage them? Why do you think they divide us?
It’s because if the population ever decided to stop playing by the same rules that keep us all down, the whole house of cards will fold. Anarchy would mean no more rich and poor, no more leaders and serfs, no more blue line to keep the aristocrats safe from the masses. Yet, as usual, the elite and powerful are showing you that the same rules and laws don’t apply to them. We sit here and wonder why our leaders are allowed to thumb their nose at congressional hearings, ignore subpoenas, commit perjury, and storm into closed door meetings with no real repercussions for their behavior. It’s simple: If you are in charge of making the laws and enforcing the laws, you get to choose which ones apply to you. If you’re a comedian or movie producer who behaves heinously, you get torn down and sent to jail, but if you’re part of the upper echelon of government and society, you get to be a supreme court justice or president.
I’m really not sure how the human spirit has been crushed this badly that the people in this country don’t take to the streets in open revolt. The system is set up so those in power get to behave any way they want, all the while sucking the rest of us dry and holding us in contempt, and not only do we allow it, we openly campaign and vote for them. We hand over power willingly, we are so eager to be enslaved.
We live in a kingdom of fear, trapped in cages, yet the cage doors are all unlocked and opened. Still, we sit inside, afraid to come out and demand what’s ours. Pull the cards at the bottom, and the whole house comes down.
We are those cards the whole corrupt mess is built upon.

Monday, October 21, 2019

Pretty Hate Machine

I've been thinking about how truly hateful people accuse decent and caring people of hate because they don't agree with their opinions. They get mad if you point out bad traits or horrible behavior in their leaders and idols. On one hand, it's an age old tactic bullies use to try to twist the narrative. They don't really understand or care what's going on, it's just basically a case of "I know you are, but what am I?" Some decent people get caught up in this behavior as well, because they aren't really aware of what game they're playing, they are simply defending what they feel they need to defend to keep the status quo, and feed their insecurities.
The thing is, it's actually alright to hate things. It's even okay to hate the occasional human being here and there if they prove themselves worthy of scorn and derision. As long as you hate someone on an individual basis, not because of their skin color or gender, sexual preference or social status, etc. Hating truly horrible people is healthy.
That's where the other part of the equation comes in. Most hateful people are afraid to admit what they hate, at least in public. They are hypocrites and lying to themselves. It's like how closeted politicians rail against gay rights or church leaders rail against sex, because they don't trust their own desires and feelings. They can't even admit to hating anyone for fear the floodgates will open, even thought must people can plainly see how hateful they are.
That's why people can support horrible people who do horrible things, but claim that they don't feel the same way. They support Trump, but they aren't racist or misogynist or homophobic. They can somehow reconcile that within themselves. The same way people say that they can love the art but hate the artist. If you're consuming the art, you're supporting the artist, there's no way around that fact. If you support truly abusive and violent people, you condone abuse and violence; yet people who support serial abusers and racists somehow find a disconnect in there.
So they lash out, and call people who have genuine concerns and questions about politicians and artist haters. Usually, they throw in a lot of verbal abuse and insults, and turn it into an ad hominem attack rather than debate the actual issue at hand. It's an adolescent thing to do. Somehow, they do all this while proclaiming how much they love everyone, and how they are taking the high road. It's a master class in passive-aggressive behavior.
And it also functions to help them ignore their own shitty positions and attitudes, and live with themselves. They spend all their time convincing themselves that they are the victims, they are the ones being attacked, and that must mean that all the other people are the hateful ones.
That's a dangerous path, and the longer you're on it, the more you're going lose yourself, and the people who matter. That's why hatred flourishes in the world. That's why Trump gets elected. That's why psychopaths get to keep making movies and music and running corporations and studios. The hateful people prop each other up, and come to feel that they are doing something noble by feeling like they do. It's smoke and mirrors and bullshit, and like most things, it's just fear and insecurity wearing different masks. Learn to recognize what's going on, or be consumed by it.

Thursday, October 10, 2019

Mental Health Awareness Day

Today is Mental Health Awareness Day, and I am acutely aware of it. I know a lot of people who suffer from varying degrees of mental illness and conditions. I know people who have severe bipolar issues. I know paranoid schizophrenics and sociopaths. I know people with varying degrees of depression, ptsd, and anxiety. For some of them it's an annoyance, and for some of them, it's crippling.
I know so many people who are still dealing with the fallout from abuse; mental, physical and sexual. For some, it was when they were children, for others, when they were adults. For a few, it is still happening now. They have had something taken from them that they might never get back.
I have friends who are self destructive, who suffer from addiction and compulsive behavior. I have friends who wake up everyday, and have to convince themselves that it's worth it to keep going. I have friends who live with self loathing, who feel inferior and worthless a lot of the time. I have friends who live in fear and apprehension almost every minute of their lives.
I have friends who can't even see themselves as they really are. They have a distorted self image, and see themselves as ugly and unwanted, as a burden and a failure. Usually, other people have made them feel this way, because those people have mental health issues of their own. It feeds upon itself.
I watch them struggle, I see them try to get help, only to find that it's too expensive, or not covered by their insurance, or they get misdiagnosed when they do manage to get some sort of treatment. I see that getting help is a herculean effort, and involves opening old wounds and reliving every bit of trauma and pain that landed them where they are now.
I want them to know that I am aware. I see how hard it is. I see how hard they work. I see what an effort it is just to go out and face the world, when all you want to do is hide and feel safe. I see your bravery. I see your pain. I see your victories and I see your setbacks, and I marvel at your strength and grace. I marvel at how with all that going on, you're still empathetic, and kind, and nurturing. I see how you treat others better than you treat yourself.
I see it because I deal with some of the same things. I have been abused, in all categories. I sometimes look at it on paper, how it might be better to just call it a day and give up, but I still find a reason to keep going. I have attempted suicide. I get insecure, and even terrified, at some of the most mundane and simple things I have to do during the day. I get overwhelmed and frozen in place. I look at myself through the lens of body dysmorphia, and will probably never be able to see myself as I truly am. I will always feel ugly and grotesque. I have suffered through eating disorders, starving myself or making myself vomit after every meal. I have been self destructive, I have hated myself, I have felt like a failure and a burden to everyone I know at times. I have spent a lot of my life feeling completely unlovable.
And yet, here I am. I am still strong and brave enough to tell you all this in a public post on the internet. I am still capable of love, for others, as well as myself. I am still able to let the walls down, and share myself with others. I haven't let any of this make me lose sight of a better world, I haven't become bitter and let hate consume me. I haven't crumbled, I've become stronger, just like all of you.
In a way, the things most of the world sees as weaknesses have resulted in a strength that dwarfs most people's. It has made us warriors, and we don't even recognize it.
So be aware, not just of your issues and illnesses, but of the strength and courage and sheer will that keeps you going. You are extraordinary. We are extraordinary.
We are aware, and we are fucking beautiful.