Mental Health Awareness Day

Today is Mental Health Awareness Day, and I am acutely aware of it. I know a lot of people who suffer from varying degrees of mental illness and conditions. I know people who have severe bipolar issues. I know paranoid schizophrenics and sociopaths. I know people with varying degrees of depression, ptsd, and anxiety. For some of them it's an annoyance, and for some of them, it's crippling.
I know so many people who are still dealing with the fallout from abuse; mental, physical and sexual. For some, it was when they were children, for others, when they were adults. For a few, it is still happening now. They have had something taken from them that they might never get back.
I have friends who are self destructive, who suffer from addiction and compulsive behavior. I have friends who wake up everyday, and have to convince themselves that it's worth it to keep going. I have friends who live with self loathing, who feel inferior and worthless a lot of the time. I have friends who live in fear and apprehension almost every minute of their lives.
I have friends who can't even see themselves as they really are. They have a distorted self image, and see themselves as ugly and unwanted, as a burden and a failure. Usually, other people have made them feel this way, because those people have mental health issues of their own. It feeds upon itself.
I watch them struggle, I see them try to get help, only to find that it's too expensive, or not covered by their insurance, or they get misdiagnosed when they do manage to get some sort of treatment. I see that getting help is a herculean effort, and involves opening old wounds and reliving every bit of trauma and pain that landed them where they are now.
I want them to know that I am aware. I see how hard it is. I see how hard they work. I see what an effort it is just to go out and face the world, when all you want to do is hide and feel safe. I see your bravery. I see your pain. I see your victories and I see your setbacks, and I marvel at your strength and grace. I marvel at how with all that going on, you're still empathetic, and kind, and nurturing. I see how you treat others better than you treat yourself.
I see it because I deal with some of the same things. I have been abused, in all categories. I sometimes look at it on paper, how it might be better to just call it a day and give up, but I still find a reason to keep going. I have attempted suicide. I get insecure, and even terrified, at some of the most mundane and simple things I have to do during the day. I get overwhelmed and frozen in place. I look at myself through the lens of body dysmorphia, and will probably never be able to see myself as I truly am. I will always feel ugly and grotesque. I have suffered through eating disorders, starving myself or making myself vomit after every meal. I have been self destructive, I have hated myself, I have felt like a failure and a burden to everyone I know at times. I have spent a lot of my life feeling completely unlovable.
And yet, here I am. I am still strong and brave enough to tell you all this in a public post on the internet. I am still capable of love, for others, as well as myself. I am still able to let the walls down, and share myself with others. I haven't let any of this make me lose sight of a better world, I haven't become bitter and let hate consume me. I haven't crumbled, I've become stronger, just like all of you.
In a way, the things most of the world sees as weaknesses have resulted in a strength that dwarfs most people's. It has made us warriors, and we don't even recognize it.
So be aware, not just of your issues and illnesses, but of the strength and courage and sheer will that keeps you going. You are extraordinary. We are extraordinary.
We are aware, and we are fucking beautiful.