One of the most misunderstood and misused words in the English language is “deserve”.
People tend to think that there is some mystical force tallying up all the good and bad and doling out luck or rewards based on the totals. People often lament that they don’t deserve some bad luck or unfortunate medical news, but in fact a lot of that is simply down to chance. Even if you take impeccable care of yourself, health issues can arise out of nowhere. Young, in-shape, healthy people drop dead of heart attacks everyday while gluttons and inactive people live to be 100. Good samaritans get hit by a bus while abusers and thieves go merrily on their way.
If you go through life keeping track of your good deeds and expect the universe to reward you accordingly, you are in for a frustrating and unhappy life. Just because you treat someone well doesn’t mean that they are going to treat you well in return. Just because you give so much to others and the world doesn’t mean that the world is going to pay that back. No matter how careful you are, and how much you do all the right things, there is always a miniscule part of the equation that comes down to luck. Any gambler can tell you that no matter the odds, if there is a 1% chance of failure, then it is a very real possibility that you will go bust.
You can love and support someone, make vows and promises and legal contracts, yet often you do not get treated fairly, even by the people who love you most. Do you deserve to be treated like that? No, but neither do you get any guarantees that the person who loves you will hold true to any of those vows or promises or contracts just because you do.
Now we drift to the other side of “deserve”.
People turn it around, and feel that they don’t deserve love or happiness. That’s complete nonsense. As far as love goes, it’s not up to you. If someone loves you, that’s their choice, so obviously they see something in you that they feel is deserving of giving you their love. Happiness is something we all actually do deserve. Whether we live our life in a way that provides it is up to us. So many people punish themselves so harshly for things in their past, most of time for things that weren’t even their fault. They cannot forgive themselves for things that really don’t matter to anyone but them. They hold on to the bad things, and nurture them and waste their lives away, all because they pervert the meaning of the word “deserve”.
Even the worst criminals are protected from “cruel and unusual punishment”. Yet people rip themselves apart day after day in penance for the smallest slights. Rather than obsess on what you deserve, make amends and move on. Or just learn to let it go. Redemption is always possible.
People even go so far as to not think that they deserve any good luck that comes their way. There is survivor’s guilt, and superstitions, and simply a lot of people that can’t just appreciate a lucky break. They will sabotage themselves, and destroy any advantage they have. People will prey on them because they see a weakness and will exploit it, all possible because somehow they got the concept of deserving twisted up long ago.
You deserve whatever you can get, as long as you don’t harm others in the process. You deserve happiness and fulfillment and love, regardless of your past mistakes or how others treated you. You deserve your share of everything you earn, and you deserve the right to earn it. You deserve to be forgiven, by the people you wronged, and most importantly, by yourself. You deserve the same level playing field, and opportunities and rights as everyone else. If anyone tries to tell you different, resist or walk away. Those people are toxic, and any contact with them is bad.
Like everything, what you deserve depends on what you demand of yourself and the people in your life. Not as some cosmic reward for a vague concept of good karma based on random good deeds, but as the result of the work you do on yourself and the respect you give to others.
You need to go get what you feel you deserve, not wait around for time or the universe to give it to you. Sometimes that means fighting the world, sometimes it means changing the people in your life, but most of the time it means conquering your fears and your guilt and changing how you view yourself.
That is what you deserve.
