Reflections On Turning 56

Reflections on turning 56
First off, I don't feel 56. I don't even feel like a grown up, most of the time. I know people in their 20's who seem more grown up than I do. Some of that might be because I never got married or had kids or owned a house, and some of that might be because I read The Little Prince as a kid, and took it to heart. Either way, I'm okay with it.
This year has been horrendous for most people, myself included. Still, there is always wisdom to glean and gifts if you recognize them. This year has probably been my best year as far as personal growth.
For instance, for the first time in my life, I finally got over the feeling that I am unlovable. I have never been good at being kind to myself, and I think a lot of people can relate to that. I berate myself, and try to find blame in myself for the things other people have done. I thought I would feel that way until the day I died, but I was saved from that fate, thank heavens.
I always talk about how my friend's kindness and determination and generosity inspire me, but this year, many of them turned that beacon on me when I needed it. It not only helped me out immensely in a practical and real world sense, it helped me heal, and it made me understand that I'm not alone in this world, not by a longshot. I actually got my George Bailey moment, and I'm forever indebted to you all for that.
The other thing I learned is that happiness is not just some thing that you get. It's not a commodity or a right, and it's not one all-encompassing thing. I learned that for me, happiness is creating. Happiness is accomplishment and contentment.
I have been a writer all my life, but I wasn't really doing it right. I was lazy about it, and I looked at it as more of an entertainment option than a job or responsibility. I would put the minimum effort into it, and let the rest go. This year, I discovered that you have to push yourself if you want better results. You have to write almost everyday, whether you feel like it or not. Sometimes you have to sacrifice other things for the craft. I discovered that editing and rewrites and touching up things brought its own rewards, and in some ways, they were even more fulfilling than the writing in the first place. It's fun to put up the scaffolding of a story, but it's more fun and more satisfying to hang things on it and build from there. I finished my first novel at 55!
So even the shittiest year can hold treasure and joy. I hope you all find your joy among the ruins that is 2020, and the rest of your lives. One thing I can tell you is that you're not going to do it alone. Isolation might feel safe, and confronting your fears and faults might seem scary, but we humans rarely accomplish anything worthwhile in a bubble or on an island. I learned that this year, and I implore you to learn that as well, if you don't already know it. We are stronger together. Figure out who you can trust, and who really loves you, and let them lift you up.
So thank you for everything you've given me this year, and know that I love you all.

Selfish And Dumb

There are a lot of people who just don't really give a shit about politics, and it's a huge problem. On one hand, I kind of understand why it happens. There are a lot of people who never had it instilled in them that they actually have a lot of say about who governs them, and how it's not only their civic duty, it's pretty much basic survival. It's probably the single most important aspect of their lives, and the lives of all their fellow human beings, but they just choose to ignore it. Some do because of things like the preceding statement. It makes them feel overwhelmed by it all, or it frightens them to think that they might not make the right choice or they might not understand the issues, so they just get defensive and decide that they're too busy or too cool to care. That's unfortunate, because basic politics is very simple, and voting is as well. Some people were raised by parents who didn't care about politics, so they don't care just to emulate them. Some were raised by parents who really cared about politics, so they don't care just to spite them. There are a bunch of other weird and convoluted reasons, but the crux of the problem is that the majority of people who don't bother with it are just selfish or dumb. These are the people who claim that they are just too busy to worry about politics, while they waste their time on their fragile egos and reality TV, and whatever diversion allows them to excuse their shallow and vapid existence. Whatever the reason, it's a huge problem, and here's why: In the past couple of weeks, even people who don't care about politics were outraged, because this administration really fucked up, and now the whole country is paying for it. Granted, that same selfish and dumb thing entered into it, and a lot of them were more annoyed at having to stay home and how they couldn't get toilet paper, rather than the fact that lots of people were going to die. Still, they took notice that something was really wrong, and they were at least engaged in what was happening and looking for someone to hold accountable. Fast forward a week or so, and I see a bunch of them losing interest again. They've already settled into their new reality, and are returning to their selfish and dumb attitude of "I don't like to think about politics and it doesn't matter who's in charge, both sides are bad." They are already checking out again; willfully ignoring their anger and frustration because it makes them feel uncomfortable and it seems like a bother. Who really cares about all this stuff we can't do anything about anyway? I just want to be happy! Most people confuse happiness with being blissfully ignorant, and will tell themselves anything to achieve it. The problem is, as they once again roll over and accept it, they enable tyrants and corruption to flourish. They are dooming themselves and the rest of us yet again. It has a ripple effect. It is very discouraging to the people who are trying to fix the world. It makes their job so much more difficult because the very people they are trying to protect and make a better world for are basically spitting in their faces. If you're a parent to a petulant teenager, you should understand that feeling. You can't motivate people who are actively working to ignore or spite you. On top of that, even when they do get motivated, it peters out very quickly as they return to their selfish and dumb ways. And I get that repeatedly calling them selfish and dumb isn't going to win us a lot of fans, but what does it really matter anyway? Any of the ways we've tried to engage or inspire them doesn't really work. No matter how much you get them riled up or invested, the selfish and dumb seeps right back in and extinguishes it. People just don't care unless it's directly messing with their lives, and even then, it has a very short shelf life before the apathy returns. So they get tired of having to think about the cause and effect aspect of their life choices, and the people who are trying to fix the world get worn down spinning their wheels in the selfish and dumb swamp that has seeped across America. So I'm laying the blame at their doorstep. If you can't be bothered to care about the very forces destroying our way of life, forces you have a say in controlling, then all the misery and death and corruption lie at your selfish and dumb feet. If you can't stay angry and engaged at a president who lies constantly, who holds you in contempt, whose policies are destroying the environment, putting children in cages, stealing trillions of your dollars, punishing the poor and vulnerable, screwing over veterans, women, minorities, and a whole bunch of other people, who uses his position for personal gain and puts ratings before his country, and is now condemning a huge number of Americans to die horrible deaths with his gross incompetence in this pandemic… well, selfish and dumb barely scratches the surface.

Reality Check

I think the reality of the situation is starting to set in for people. The last couple of days I'm seeing people start to crack. So let's start off with the tough love, then we'll get to the pep talk and positive spin later.
Here's the thing about disaster. You have to get it together and make your peace with it and get on with your life. This is only the beginning. You're going to start seeing escalating death tolls and a lot more bad news. You're not going to get to stop isolating yourselves any time soon. You're going to see it hit closer to home, and you're probably going to know some people who will get really sick or even die from it. It might be a friend of a friend, it might be a neighbor or distant relative, and in very rare cases, it might be your parents or kids or your partner. It's hard to even imagine that, but it's a possibility, although a small one. Chances are, you won't be directly affected by death from covid-19.
The economy is going to actually be the worst part of this whole thing. It will collapse, or at least come as close to a collapse as we've ever seen. The economy is an abstract concept, though. It's numbers and math that don't have much basis in the real world. It will be rough, and hurt a lot of people, but we're all going to be in the same boat, and economies can be rebuilt. Like I said, they aren't even real in many ways. There have been people hurt by it and living on its fringes since civilization began, so it's nothing new.
You're going to see a lot of bad news and very little good news on TV. The news media thrives on bad news, so you're going to get overwhelmed by it if you focus on it too much. Don't watch it if you can't handle it, and if you can handle it, watch it so it desensitizes you a bit. Just realize that it's weighted to the side of hyperbole and worst case scenarios, because that gets people's attention, and in the end, they are trying to compete for your attention and sell their product. Make sure you search out good stories and positive content elsewhere.
There, that's the worst of it. Now we can move on to discussing some of the aspects of the whole thing and our behavior and reactions, and that will morph into the pep talk I promised you.
Most people are having problems adapting to this new reality for a lot of reasons. First off, it's unpleasant, and people are good at ignoring or downplaying unpleasant things until they can't anymore. Then one day, they wake up and realize that wishing it away isn't going to work, and instead of slowly acclimating themselves to it, they are now thrown into it all at once. That's why you should learn to live with your eyes wide open. That's why leaders who inspire trust and confidence are unflinching in their resolve to face problems head on. Most of us are loathe to do that, that's why it seems like a superpower when we see someone else do it. That's why we carve their heads on mountains, or put them on our currency. Our current president is not one of them.
The other thing is that life has just been too good for most of us. As much as we complained about everything, now we feel like we are living in hell because of a bunch of inconveniences. Granted, some aspects of it go beyond mere inconvenience, especially for medical staff and workers still out there doing essential jobs. There are people suffering some pretty big hardships as well, but mostly I just see people complaining about not being able to do what they want, or being bored, or bitching about having to entertain their kids. Yeah, it's annoying, but just grow the fuck up and get over yourselves. If the biggest complaint you have during a deadly pandemic is that you feel like you've streamed all the TV and movies you want to watch, well… That's not exactly the same as living through the Great Depression, or the Civil War, or the Blitz in London, or the Holocaust. Ironically, you don't really hear the doctors or the workers still out there doing essential jobs or the people who are really getting hit hard griping and complaining, just the selfish or entitled ones sitting at home.
Then there are the people I mentioned at the beginning of this essay that's already going on too long. The ones who are afraid, whose anxiety is gripping them tighter, who are uncertain and in disarray. Chaos has a way of making you feel untethered, but your tether is sort of an illusion anyway, like security at the airport. You know that if a terrorist really wanted to do something on your plane, the TSA isn't likely to stop them. You still get on the plane, though. Life is simply controlled chaos, and most of the control part of that equation isn't real. So the feeling of losing control of everything isn't actually reality, it's just your perception. It's just you being able to see the chaos instead of regulating it to that steady background hum where it usually lives.
The thing to remember is that on a base level, all this is nothing new. Life has always been full of inconveniences and misery, and disaster was always waiting right outside the door, it was all just easier to put out of your mind before this. Really, your survival odds have only gotten a couple of percentage points worse at the most. People have trouble living in the moment on their best day. Now we're all longing for the past and dreading the future. We're incapable of finding anything good in the present, but that's not reality either. There's plenty of good things to cling to, and plenty of distractions to engage in.
It will take some work and adjustment, but just lower some of your unrealistic expectations, make peace with the fact that you're going to have to give up some things, and don't let fear make you irrational. Realize that you're going to be exposed to the virus at some point, and the odds are overwhelmingly in your favor that it's going to be a quick and relatively painless illness. You might not even get any symptoms. It's already much different than you think it is, because there's no real testing being done here. That means while you're busy being frightened by the numbers you're seeing, those numbers are most likely only a small part of what's really going on. That means that a lot more people have already had it than you think, so we're probably doing a lot better than the current numbers tell us on survival and mortality rates.
Speaking of mortality rates, you have been living in a world where thousands of people die every single day. They are murdered, they die in accidents and wars and genocides, babies die in their cribs, old people die in their beds, disease and addiction cause us to waste away, cancer eats us alive, and heart attacks and blood clots cut us down in an instant. We have lived hand in hand with death our whole lives, and most of us do it without thinking. Now we are suddenly aware of it, and we can't shake our fear.
Same with poverty and societal collapse. It's happened before. Again, it's been happening all around you every day of your life. There are plenty of nations and regions who have been living in abject poverty and misery everyday for decades. There are so many in this nation of plenty who live on the streets, or don't know where their next meal is coming from, or if they will have clean water or electricity. No matter how bad things get, most of us will never have it as bad as a lot of people who currently live everyday in conditions that would destroy you if you were in their place. Most of us can leave our house and find people living like that within a five minute drive, but we've learned to put it out of our minds. We don't see what we don't want to see.
And that's what a lot of the fear and dread is. We are now forced to imagine ourselves in situations we felt far enough removed from that they would never actually affect us. We are learning how fragile and tenuous our hold is on so many things we simply took for granted. But again, the thing to remember is that it's always been that way. The fact that you see it now doesn't make it any more real, it's always been there and it's always been real, and still, you've made it this far. You'll get through this, and driving yourself crazy and obsessing over every aspect of it is not a good way to do it. What's going to happen is going to happen, whether you torture yourself or not. That's just more of your brain trying to trick you into believing you have control.
So focus on positive stuff instead. The normal that people are so nostalgic for was pretty fucked up. It was full of injustice and cruelty and compound misery. If the world is going to be torn apart, instead of lamenting it and freaking out, let's work at figuring out ways to put it back together the right way when we get the chance. Any businessperson or politician or predator will tell you that chaos means opportunity, so let's take that opportunity to get back some of the control we've lost over the decades. Maybe we won't be at the mercy of a corrupt and narcissistic imbecile next time a preventable nightmare like this comes along. Maybe there will be a fair playing field, and no one will have to live everyday in squalor and misery. You might scoff, and say such a vision is impossible, but did you ever imagine that the situation we're in now could ever exist?
Because that's the real takeaway here. Nothing is guaranteed, nothing is safe or written in stone. That works both ways. It means that things might get worse, but with a little bit of effort, they might get so much better. It goes to figure that if something this huge and unimaginable was this close to us, maybe that utopia we're told is a fairytale is at hand as well. Even disasters are a gift, and we almost always ignore them, and we marvel about how the disasters keep repeating themselves.
This is a crisis, no doubt. It is horrific and monstrous and terrible, that's true. But it's also a wake up call and an opportunity, all that remains to be seen is how we react to it.

Actual serious PSA

******Actual serious PSA*******

I've spent at least the last five years or so basically home alone, doing nothing and pretty broke. I see some of you struggling with being home and worried about money, so here are some things I've learned.

There are plenty of distractions like TV and reading, video games, social media, etc, but none of them are satisfying if you find yourself in the wrong frame of mind doing them. Don't think of it as something you're forced to do while you'd rather be doing something else. You have to train yourself to live in the moment, even if what you're doing in that moment isn't your first choice. A lot of things are free or cheap, so you don't have to spend money that you don't have.
In that regard, learn to enjoy things you look on as a chore. Cooking is a prime example. We tend to tell ourselves that we don't have time to cook, but now you're going to have lots of time. Cooking is fun and satisfying. Deep clean your place. Don't just run a vacuum over the floor for a minute, clean and organize. Fix the little things you've been putting off or propping up. Go through that closet full of stuff you haven't looked at in years and get rid of what you don't want.

Keep in touch. There are going to be a bunch of people you know in the same boat. Reach out, and connect. You can still be social while social distancing. Join or make a secret group on Facebook, where you and your friends or family can stay in touch and be more open and at ease with each other. When you spend too much time alone, you live in your own head, and that's no place you want to spend too much of your time. Keeping in contact with people keeps you sane. More on that later…

Get some exercise. If you have any home exercise equipment currently acting as a coat rack, start using it. You can do aerobics or yoga in your living room(close the drapes, no one needs to see that!), and there are plenty of exercise routines online to follow along with. Go for a walk or bike ride. You can practice social distancing and still be outside.

Find new hobbies and activities. Take up knitting, learn to sew and patch your old clothes. Try drawing or writing, or learn to play that guitar you bought five years ago and gave up on when you found out about f chords. Organize your old photos and make a scrapbook or album. Learn to meditate. Go online and learn something like a language or photoshop or a million other online courses. There are millions of things to do to pass the time, and improve some areas of your life along the way, and millions of sites to tell you about them and instruct you.

Find some apps and games on your phones. I know that a lot of people don't care about video games and such, but there are so many different kinds of games out there to pass the time. First off, any stuff you used to do in newspapers and magazines and real life is on your phone. Crossword puzzles, Sudoku, jumbles, cryptograms, trivia quizzes, jigsaw puzzles, slot machines, poker and card games, you name it. There are games where you build civilizations, simulate evolution, role playing games, racing games, action games, and versions of a lot of the older arcade and console games that you loved. They don't require much from you, and they really help pass the time.

Make meal plans and stick to them. Eat your perishables first. We all joke about how we buy food, and wind up throwing it away because we just order take out. You might not have that option soon, so start now.
Also, when you're bored, you eat, so be careful not to snack yourself into a coma. Put your snack foods away in a cabinet so you're not seeing them every time you walk into the kitchen. Out of sight, out of mind.

Regarding TV, there are more viewing options than ever out there. If you look, there are probably a bunch of shows and movies you forgot about or just missed. We are living in a golden age of television, where TV shows are better than most theatrical releases. Streaming has lots of free or cheap optims. A lot of people feel guilty about watching too much TV because they think it's wasting time when they should be doing other things, but now you'll have all the time in the world. So watch to your heart's content. Discover new stuff and expand your horizons, indulge in your guilty pleasures, or just watch comfort TV to take your mind off of things. Same thing with music. Take this time to discover bands and music you haven't had time to discover when your life was so busy.

Keep a routine. You can find yourself quickly letting things slide. You find yourself putting off taking showers. You eat at all times of the day or night. Your sleep schedule goes to hell. Figure out a routine, and stick with it, no matter how pointless it seems at times.

As far as money goes, there are going to be lots of relief efforts for people, and public pressure will force things like mortgage payments and rent and utilities to be put on hold. If you get behind in your bills, talk to the companies you owe money to. They will work with you, and you can make arrangements to pay what you can, and it won't affect your credit score. Even if it does, credit scores can be fixed fairly easily once you're doing well again. Don't just ignore it!

You might think that since I wrote this, I must be in great shape, my place must be impeccably clean, and my life in perfect order, but we all know it's not. I can write about the pitfalls you might encounter because I've fallen into just about every one of them along the way. A big part of that is because depression can grab hold of you pretty quickly when you're isolated. Humans are social animals, and that's hard wired into us and not about to change.
When you become even a little bit isolated, you can feel like you have nothing to look forward to, and that there's no point in doing a lot of the things you know you should, because who's going to notice? That's a bad road to go down. There are a lot of different types of depression, and one of the most insidious is just getting worn down and you stop trying. It usually gets you because it's not a chemical thing. It's not something you've ever dealt with or experienced before, so you have no frame of reference. It happens gradually, and you don't see it and you deny it's happening. There's no magic pill or real convenient treatment plan for when you just let your life get away from you. It just becomes your new normal. You can crawl out of it with some herculean effort, but it's much easier to just not let yourself get to that point in the first place. Trust me. You want to guard against it.
Just as bad as depression is the anxiety and neurosis that comes along with isolation. Especially if you're not working and your life loses structure and routine. I mentioned about living in your own head, but that's what can happen as the hours and days start to blur. When you start thinking too much, it can multiply every worry or fear that pops into your mind. You have to guard against it. You need to talk to other people, you need to have distractions, otherwise you can eat yourself up from the inside.

If you're having trouble, reach out to friends and family. Keep in mind that there are a lot of people who aren't very good at offering advice or being comforting, or even just being good listeners. You might have to talk to a few people to figure out who is capable of truly being there for you. Work to be good at it too, because people are going to need you as well. Being judgemental or defensive or dismissive isn't going to help anyone, so try to be understanding and patient.

If we all work together, we'll get through this, so don't give up and don't give in.

Things To Do During The Coronavirus Crisis

Things you can do to maximize the time we are impacted by the Coronavirus:

Not much food available? The perfect time to go on a diet! As a bonus, if you can't get much toilet paper, go on a low carb diet and load up on meat and cheese. You'll hardly poop at all!

Go to rehab. If you've been putting it off, now is the perfect time. You won't feel like you're missing out on much, and it will be like you're in quarantine with all the funnest people!

Stockpile weapons and prepare yourself for Mad Max times. You'll also need some weird bondage gear and assless chaps, if the movies are to be believed. You'll still probably die ten minutes after you enter the apocalyptic wasteland, just like you did the first time you played Fallout.

Learn how to cook creatively with all the weird things you've bought over the past year after finding some recipe online, but never looked at them again once you put them in your freezer or cabinet. Make a nice quinoa and jackfruit with tahini and coconut flour casserole. Delve into history, and learn how to make soup out of your shoes when the food runs out, like they did in the Great Depression.

Watch The Office or Friends for the 600th time. It will seem like nothing's changed! If things get bad for longer than two weeks, you might actually have to watch all that crap you put in your streaming queue because you felt like you should watch it, even though you'd rather watch My 600 Pound Life.

Take virtual tours of museums online, or online courses. Just kidding! Watch porn until your genitals are raw and blistered.

Quietly reflect on all your bad choices, and vow to get your life in order once the danger is passed and use the second chance you get to live right. Don't worry, you're not actually going to change your life once we emerge from our hovels, constipated and with the aforementioned blistered genitals.

Drink! For the first time in your life, you have a legitimate excuse to stay home and day drink alone. As an added plus, you're already home, so you won't have to drive home drunk from the club!

Curl up in a ball, sob uncontrollably, and wait to die. You probably do that on a fairly regular basis anyway, at least this time it will seem reasonable.

Don't just waste this gift of time we've been given, get creative and use it wisely. You might as well spend the end of days living joylessly and improving yourself so Jesus isn't disgusted with you on Armageddon day, which by most estimates is next Tuesday.

When We Lost Our Way

Everything you see in this country was really hard set in the 60's. We never moved past it in terms of the generation gap and who the "us VS them" of the whole us VS them concept is. That defined most of the roles we've settled into, and we've been stalled ever since. Peaceniks and war hawks, blue collar and the elite, rebels and the establishment. It's how the police became the enemy to a huge demographic of people, it's how the middle class formed their images of minorities and the poor, it's how we learned to define the ruling class and serfs, and got sold on siding with wrong one time and time again.
Most people alive then still think in terms of TV shows from the era when they think about what society looks like. You were part of the freedom loving sex and drug culture, or you were a square. You let your freak flag fly, or you conform. You're a little bit country, or a little bit rock and roll.
The point is, it divided us up and labeled us and put us in boxes, and all the time we spent fighting those labels or finding happiness being defined by them allowed the wealthy and elite to change all the rules of the game. There was a whole generation of young people fighting the power. They were protesting, they were pushing boundaries, they were tuning in, turning on, and dropping out. They were the passionate youth, the younger generation that wasn't afraid, that didn't care about the rule book, or the way it should be. They wanted the world, and they wanted it now.
Then something happened. The boomers everyone hates so much today were once the millennials of their time, but they got old. They got frightened. They got tired of fighting. One day, they woke up and looked in the mirror, and they no longer fit the role of radical, they looked like their parents. So they effortlessly slid into that role, and even though they may have retained some of their ideals, they lost their fire and passion and edge. They lost their will to fight and take risks. Risks were for the young. They convinced themselves that they were smart by playing it safe, by not expecting to change the world. They got scared, and they found it easy to adapt and beg for crumbs rather than take risks and try for the things they truly wanted.
So now they are the establishment, but they still convince themselves that they aren't because they have the rednecks and racists and super wealthy to look down on. They have a new enemy, one that was also defined in the 60's. The southern man, with his robes and hood in the back of his closet, full of ignorance and hate and intolerance. They love to mock them and argue with them on social media, to prove that they are still fighting, that they are still rebels. The thing is, you don't change those people by fighting them, you change it by changing the world around them and dragging them along. You change it by making the world better and bringing them along into a better future, where they don't have to punch down to feel like they matter.
We stopped doing all that in earnest in the 60's. We drew up sides, and we've been conforming to them ever since. It doesn't matter what the young and vital people who can actually change the world really want, because we just keep them down enough until they too will reach that age when they are saddled with kids and responsibilities, and are just tired of fighting and find that they are scared of teenagers and their music. Then they will join the other side, and will all feel safer by compromise and acquiescence.
We want young people to be engaged and involved, but only if they do it on our terms. That's not how progress works. That's not how things get better. It's the reason why nothing has changed politically in the last sixty years, and why we've stalled. We are stifling the younger, most vital and idealistic part of society until they are tamed, until they are safe and familiar and agree to do it our way. We are afraid, so we are killing off our best chance to actually achieve the things we once fought for and believed in. We've become the enemy, and we've done it so gradually that we can still convince ourselves that it's not true.
Hunter S Thompson wrote about the dreams and vision those boomers had when they were young, and how it broke and crashed like a wave in the 70's, and then receded back to the ocean. That ocean has been rising ever since, not like a wave with its kinetic and crazy energy, but like the slowly rising sea levels that will wipe us out one day. It has inundated everything, and we are drowning in it, and the older generation is holding the heads of the younger generation underwater, weighing them down and immobilizing them, and telling themselves it's for their own good.
We are afraid. We are paralyzed by it. We are trying to game the system, and tell ourselves it's the smart and safest way to go, but safe never really got us anything.
We have lost our way, and that started in the 60's.

My Own Little Hate Crime

     I am currently serving a 24 ban from Facebook for hate speech. If you want to know what horrible thing I said, here’s a screenshot. I warn you, I am an absolute monster and it may make you rethink your association with me, and indeed, wonder if I am fit to live in modern society.

   


     I know, right? I am obviously a horrible person, akin to a member of the KKK or Hitler, or maybe our president.
     Facebook has a weird, vague policy regarding what they call “community standards.” It seems arbitrary and convoluted, and frankly, skewed towards protecting white people and men. Those guys again. <eye roll emoji>
     Now I understand that Facebook is a behemoth, and policing it for hate speech is going to be a tricky and gargantuan task. I also understand that they have to include everyone under the protection umbrella. If saying that Muslims are all terrorists or black people are all thugs is wrong, and it is, it stands to reason that you would have to apply the same logic to white Americans. The problem is, people are on Facebook every day saying Muslims are terrorists, and black people are thugs. I’m sure some of those comments get taken down as well, but I see an awful lot of them with no repercussions whatsoever. Besides, making a broad comment about the intelligence of the American populace is nothing like those things. In this instance, I was talking about the general public’s political IQ.
     I also got in trouble this week for using the term “white trash.” Facebook apparently equates this to using the N-word, which is just stupid. You can say redneck, hillbilly, rube, or a lot of other things to describe the same thing, and Facebook has no problem with that. I get that white trash is derogatory, but that’s kind of the point. I was being derogatory. Also, white people are the privileged class in this country, so I’m not sure that it actually possible for them to be a victim of racism and discrimination, no matter how trashy they are.
     My comment was about how there is a lot of white trash in my area. Someone was making some horrible, misogynist statements, and I pointed out that he fits in with a lot of the people ijn my area, who are perfect examples of what the term white trash is meant to inspire. Come to Pennslytucky. Take a look around. I think you will agree. I think most of the white trash will actually agree with you!
     But you know what? I will give them that one. White trash smacks of elitism, and although I personally don’t have the same feelings about it that Facebook does, I can see where people can make that argument. You win Facebook, I won’t call white trash white trash anymore. If that was the only problem, I can live with it.
      I am in some groups that exist to point out bad behavior by white people. It is mostly for fun, but it also serves to illuminate a lot of problems with issues like racism and intolerance. They share posts about people calling the cops when they see black people in a community pool, being in the park, or even entering their own homes. They point out instances where white people say horrible things about other races, and exhibit xenophobia. They point out where white people dress in blackface. They poke fun at white privilege, which is an actual thing, no matter how much white people want you to stop pointing it out. Still, Facebook chooses to censor them for talking badly about white people’s atrocious behavior. They are constantly coming down on them for nothing. Keep in mind, these are all white people complaining about other white people’s bad behavior! No one is calling them names, no one is slandering them or oppressing them or committing hate crimes. Apparently Facebook has a problem whenever you use the word “white” in your description of white people’s behavior. I know friends who have reported pictures of people dressed in black face, using racial slurs and stereotypes, and told by Facebook that those things don’t go against their community standards. How can that be?
     It doesn’t just end with white people. You are not allowed to say “men are scum” on Facebook. You can’t say “Men are trash” either. Because men are just so wonderful, and need protection. Meanwhile, I see men call women cunts and whores all the time on Facebook. I see them victim blame, and say horribly misogynists things on a daily basis. I see then claim that women are manipulative and use men all the time. I see incels whining about women having prominent roles in science fiction and comic book movies. Yet if you report them, you are often told that it is perfectly fine, and doesn’t go against community standards.
     Men really don’t need protection. Saying that men are scum is a broad statement, and obviously not all men are, but in general, I think a lot of them are scum. Saying men are scum is nowhere close to calling a woman a cunt. It is nothing like misogyny. Again, men have all the advantages in society, so I’m not sure how you can even make a case for them being discriminated against.
      Now I realize that not being able to post on Facebook for 24 hours is not the end of the world. I am not whining about that aspect of it. I have enough other stuff to occupy my time in the real world, not that you would know that by looking at the amount of time I spend on Facebook. I do think that there are some important issues at stake here though.
     Like I said, it must be very hard for Facebook to figure out a way to really monitor and enforce community standards, whatever that is. And they have every right to decide what goes on their service. That doesn’t mean that it still isn’t absurd and broken. You can share a post criticizing white supremacy, but if the picture accompanying the article has a swastika or Hitler in it, you can get banned. Men have more power in almost every situation, but if you aren’t really careful how you call out abuses to that power, you are silenced. The rules should be in place to protect the people trying to keep the people in power in check. How are you supposed to call out society’s problems if you can’t mention them? As the biggest social media site on the planet, you have to figure that out. You have to do better.
     And if you still think that Facebook’s community standards aren’t fucked up, I once received a ban because I shared a picture of a goat. No one was having sex with the goat. The goat didn’t have any big goat balls hanging out. The goat was not a member of the Nazi party or NAMBLA. It was simply a picture of a cute little goat standing in our warehouse where I worked. It belonged to the neighbors, and I captioned the picture with “the neighbor’s goat sometimes gets free and comes to visit.” It seems a system that feels like it should censor a picture of a goat might not be the best thing to be in charge of monitoring society.

In Praise Of Younger People

One of the worst things you can be is irrelevant and out of touch. It happens to a certain extent as you get older, there’s not a lot you can do about it. You don’t have to go gracefully into that good night, but you can look pretty foolish trying to pretend you’re something you’re not.
That’s why I love Facebook. It connects me to younger people in their 20’s and 30’s without having to show up at their local club or show dressed like them and trying to act like I fit in. I get to hear their views on the world, I get to laugh at their jokes(the ones where I get the references), and I get to learn about new shows and movies and music.
If nothing else, the pop culture stuff really makes it worthwhile. Sometimes it takes me longer to catch up, but I do get there eventually. There is so much good music I would know nothing about if it weren’t for younger people who are just as passionate about music as I was when I was younger, before the world had beaten some of the joy out of everything. I suppose that I am living vicariously through them in a way.
There’s nothing wrong with that. People live vicariously through their children all the time. A lot of the time, they mock them and distrust them as they do it, which makes me sad. Most of the people I know who are my age blame every bad thing in the world on the younger generation, and that is their loss. I don’t like stagnating. I don’t like the thought of the world passing me by. I don’t like the thought of becoming bitter and miserable.
That’s the other good thing about having a bunch of younger friends. They call me out on it when I do seem bitter or out of touch, and I encourage it. I think it’s funny, but I also think it’s essential if I want to stay even a little bit vital and connected. I don’t get angry over such silly things, I’m not that frightened and insecure. I grew up with a father who my brother and I teased mercilessly when he said or did something that was out of touch, and he laughed along with us. I learned to take good natured ribbing in stride. In short, my parents taught me how to bust balls, and how when done right, it was actually a sign of respect and love. If you listen, you can get something out of it and learn to laugh at your own mistakes. As a result, I can take criticism without getting too defensive, and I have parents who are in their 80’s, but still doing better with technology and culture than a lot of people I know in their 50’s.
So whatever, I realize that by this point, most of my younger friends have stopped reading, because they don’t really enjoy having to read long posts on their phone when there is so much more entertaining and interesting stuff available to them. Damn millennials, destroying the printed word! But if any are still hanging in there, thanks for providing something precious and irreplaceable to me. You’re all that’s standing between me and some of the things I hate most, and I appreciate it.

Anarchy In The US

I see so many people worried about electability. I see them fretting about some candidate winning the nomination who might turn off old people, or young people, or progressives, or conservatives, or independents, or a whole bunch of other groups they've managed to divide its into.
Why start out compromising? Why play by their rules? Why go for the safe and uninspired choice, simply because you're afraid?
Warriors do not attack from a place of fear. Champions do not become champions for settling before they start. Changing the world requires risk. It requires bold moves and leaps of faith. It requires resolution and determination, and adhering to your hopes and dreams, even when they seem lost.
So if you want national healthcare and the rich to pay their fair share, demand it. If you want free college, if you want worker's rights and accountability for the powerful, and if you want help for the poor, demand that as well. Don't start out hoping for breadcrumbs. No visionary or winner ever set out looking for second place.
Don't settle, especially when no one is even asking you to settle. That's fear talking. It's being frightened of the unknown, as if the unknown could be worse than what we have now. That's trying to bargain, like when you hope to influence fate or the heavens to help you win the lottery by saying you would be happy with just a million rather than 100 million. It's as if you think that's a sacrifice, and that it will ever be heeded by whatever indifferent God or leader or leprechaun might overhear you.
You're not always going to get what you want, but you're never going to get what you want if you don't ask for it. No one is going to respect you if you're begging for what's already yours. We have the power, all of us. We vote. We outnumber them. We can paralyze the nation if we all join together. That's what the people in charge are afraid of, and we play right into their hands. That’s why they outlaw protesting and bust up unions and intimidate voters. We crave change, but fear the sacrifice and uncertainty that comes with it.
So in the primaries, vote for who you want to vote for, not for who you think might appeal to other people you don’t even agree with. When you try to game the system, you usually wind up losing more than you win. Nothing has really changed in your lifetime playing their game, so why keep playing it?
Sure, if in the end, your candidate doesn’t win the nomination, and you're backed into a corner and have to choose the lesser of two evils, you choose the lesser of two evils. But until then, why come from a place of capitulation? You vote because you want your voice to be heard, why let that voice be dictated by fear and by other people’s beliefs? That’s how young people feel, and they are young enough, as well as desperate and brave enough, to go down fighting. It’s always that way whenever a younger generation tries to change the world they live in. In the 60’s, the hippies were treated like freaks and anarchists, simply for asking for most of the things we still want today. As David Bowie said,

“And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're goin' through”

He could not be more correct. Don’t instill your fears into them. Don’t act like they are clueless, simply because you are afraid that they are going to upset the status quo. The fact that Bernie or Warren scares people is probably the biggest reason to vote for them. As much as we hate Trump, were we actually happy with what we had for the decades preceding him? As great a president as Obama was, we still didn’t get a lot of the things we wanted and he promised, not that it was really his fault in most instances. He had a Senate and a Republican party thwarting his every move, the same exact thing we have now, and they get away with it for the very same reasons: enough people let it happen. Are we just supposed to be satisfied going back to the disillusioning and mediocre ideas and stalemates from the past? Nothing was working, so why look to the same things and expect it to work now?
So people are really going to get mad at me for saying this, but I don’t care. If you’re really feeling revolutionary, if you really want change, vote for who you want in the general election, even if they aren’t going to win. If Biden is the choice, and you really don’t want him to be president, vote for Bernie or Warren or Pete or whoever you feel represents you. Let Trump win again, and maybe it will eventually sink in to the establishment that if they want to win, they have to listen to people outside the establishment as well. Kowtowing never really gets you anything worthwhile; things that matter take work and sacrifice and bravery. I would hate four more years of this corrupt and psychotic imbecile. Millions of people will suffer. Our country will be harmed for years to come.
Sill, it’s happened plenty of times before, and will keep on happening until someone breaks the pattern. Sadly, people are very slow learners, and they seem to have to suffer greatly before they figure it out. I’m at the point where I would be okay with it, if that’s how people choose to go. I’m not going to blame them for doing what they think is right. If it happens, there’s not much I can do about it anyway. The last three years of blaming each other for Trump’s victory accomplished absolutely nothing, and the Republicans couldn’t be happier. We are still just as divided and in disarray as ever, standing in a circular firing squad and headed for the same outcome.
Personally, I would vote for Biden if he was the candidate, even though I really do not want him as my president. I am old, though. I am tired. My anarchy days have passed me by. I didn’t vote for Hillary because I thought she was safe, I voted for her because I thought she was the most qualified candidate. This time, I would vote for Biden just because it seems safer and easier and less aggravating than having Trump in office. So much can change in a four year election cycle. As I said, though, I’m old, and a lot of what happens isn’t going to affect me very much, at least not anymore than it already has. It’s the younger people who are going to have to deal with the repercussions for decades, so who am I to tell them what to do? If they want to make a statement, if they want to try to change the world, then have at it. I will understand it, and I will support it. It beats doing the same dumb thing over and over again. Another song quote comes to mind, “meet the new boss, same as the old boss.” I would rather go down fighting, and die on my feet rather than live on my knees. Voting for someone I don’t even like really feels like living on my knees.
Vote for whatever and whoever inspires you, and you just might find that you get what you want for a change.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

Here's an example of why I try not to get cynical and negative.
Today is Martin Luther King Jr day. Right off the bat, you could point out how it doesn't seem to get the respect that most national holidays get, but that's dismissing the achievement, and diminishing the celebration of a great man. A man who represents something very important to civil rights, and a whole lot of people.
King was always optimistic in the face of adversity. African Americans have had to remain strong and optimistic for centuries, otherwise, why would they bother? Why wouldn't they just lay down and die? They were enslaved, and had to endure centuries of horrific torture and cruelty. They had to endure another century and a half of mistreatment, oppression, violence, injustice, and a million other things that would break lesser people.
But it did not break them.
They held onto their culture, as well as their dignity, through it all. They have been fighting, and making progress all of that time, and they should be proud. They have held onto their dreams, in the face of a nation that seemed hell bent on holding them back. They have not given in to despair and cynicism. They have not given up.
I see a lot of white people who want social justice and civil rights for minorities and the oppressed. I see them champion noble causes, and fight for change. I see them want a better world for everyone. I see them want equality, and to stamp out hatred and racism and fear.
I also watch them get all defeated and cynical about it, and I have to laugh. They are straight white people, who have never had to struggle in any of the ways that the oppressed people in this country have had to struggle. They are getting depressed and defeated, yet not actually dealing with even a tiny fraction of what the targets of hatred and intolerance are facing everyday. Meanwhile, the people who are being denied their rights, who are being murdered in plain sight and not getting justice, who are victims of persecution, are staying determined and positive, and still fighting.
I suppose a lot of that is because when you're entitled, when you have advantages, when your life is easier, you become soft. You're not as defiant and determined when you're fighting for some abstract version of something you haven't really experienced. You can empathize with it, you can abhor it, but that's not the same as when it's life or death. Your life or death.
It's the same reason people get so cynical and defeated so easily with Trump. As horrible as the things his administration and party are doing to this country, most of it is still abstract to the ruling class, and if you're white and straight, you're part of the ruling class. Doesn't matter if you're a billionaire, or living on the street. If you're male as well, you're even more a part of the ruling class. Women are at a severe disadvantage in our society as well, don't kid yourself.
That's why so many people just throw their hands up, and say that there's no point. That's why so many people don't want to even think about politics. They don't want to be bothered. They are soft, and made weak by an easy life. The people who suffer the least give up the quickest, and that's a huge insult to the people they claim to care about.
Because make no mistake, being cynical and negative is hurting the causes you claim to care about. Apathy is what enables atrocities. Whenever you throw your hands up and decide its not worth the tiny bit of aggravation and you don't fight, you weaken a whole cause. When you don't bother to vote, when you stop pointing out inequality, your voice falls silent, and the chorus diminishes. The call for change gets quieter, and is easier to ignore.
I see so many people who are put out simply because they have to see political posts while they are scrolling through social media. The horror! Is there any better example of entitlement than someone who is beside themselves because they have to glimpse something they would rather not think about as they scan their free social media app on their high tech phone?
My whole point is that your cynicism and negativity is hurting your causes, and it's an insult to people who are really suffering. That's true of everything in your life as well. It's not that you're never going to get down, or feel like things aren't working out. It's not like you're never going to have setbacks, or fail at times. It's not that things aren't going to seem overwhelming or insurmountable now and then.
It's that you don't give up. It's that you keep fighting. That's what's important.
And you might say that you haven't given up, and you're not going to, but that's what a lot of people who have given up have said, not too long ago. That started with cynicism and negativity. That let the fear or the apathy in; gave it a foothold.
There are so many important things at stake right now. They affect us all. In the end, all injustice and oppression matters. All people who are being held down need our support. They need our hope and optimism, they need our energy and strength. You're not just helping them, you're helping yourself, even if you don't see it yet.
The nefarious psychotics who want absolute power are not going to stop at minorities. They hold you in contempt as well, and they are coming for you. You have a tenuous grasp on your place in society now, but that's being divided up and trampled on as we speak.
Hold onto your ideals, no matter how much the powers that be want you to give up on them. Hold onto the drive that keeps pushing you to demand what's right. Hold onto your hope and achievements, to the positives and the progress we've made.
Hold onto your dream, just like Martin Luther King Jr did, and you might still be inspiring the world long after you're gone. Be part of something bigger, and that all starts with believing in something and fighting for it, not giving up the moment it seems unattainable. Everything that has ever been attained seemed unattainable at some point, but because someone dreamed it, they made it real.
Don't be afraid to dream.