The Good Old Days

I'm not a big fan of people who go on and on about the good old days. I don't like hearing about how music today is horrible, or how the internet is ruining everything, or how today's kids just don't get it. I don't like living in the past.
That said, I have been interested in politics for at least 35 years. That used to mean reading newspapers and magazines, and watching a few dry and boring TV shows broadcast on off hours of the weekend. You had to work at it a little. You had to find journalists and columnists who knew what they were talking about, on both sides of the aisle and spectrum. You had to spend time in libraries sometimes.
I was fine with that. One of the things I liked most about it was how much I did a lot of that stuff on my own. I had a few friends who were interested too, and that was enough. No one else really cared that much, which wasn't great for democracy, but it was nice for me.
Cable news came along, and at first I was elated, but I soon realized how much time they had to fill and that it was becoming more focused on the entertainment value of news rather than actual news. Then talk radio got big, and I quickly realized that it was all con men and hucksters and hacks.
Unfortunately, I started finding myself in political “discussions” with people who thought they understood politics. They got their information from one source, and not a good one at that. They didn't realize that journalism is supposed to be impartial, and stories and opinions need to be researched. They were just getting false information and propaganda from people putting on a show. Worse yet, they were condescending to me about it, like I was the idiot.
It's no secret I'm a raging liberal. I have a definite bias towards it. I can be, I'm not a journalist. Thing is, I used to have to read daily columns by right wing thinkers who I completely disagreed with, but I respected nonetheless. I would get angered by their viewpoints, but I respected the people espousing them because they were well thought out, and backed up their work. I still considered their arguments and positions, even if I didn't agree.
Then the internet and social media happened, and I don't have to tell you how that's working out. A century or so ago, politics was a raucous and buffoonish sideshow. The louder and incendiary, the better. The more you could work your side up, and pit people against each other, the better. Politics will always be a dog and pony show, but it was much more so back then.
Politics was getting more civilized towards the middle of the 20th century. . Candidates were on TV and radio, and were recorded, so they had to watch what they said. They were on a national stage, literally, and newspapers held them accountable. Still, even back three or four decades ago, the Republicans approached politics like circus barkers. They figured out how to use the media and marketing to rile people up in the same manner as a hundred years ago. They even used the same targets to do it. Immigrants and minorities. Communists, who have now been replaced with terrorists. Crime and godless sinners, corrupting your children.
So people, being people, after all, still bought it. The message hadn't changed, they just needed a way to repackage it for the modern era, slip it past the watchdogs, then use it to rile people up and get them to forget about the real issues. Republicans learned how to control the narrative, by bullying, through fear and intimidation, and mostly by just repeating lies and propaganda until people accepted it as truth.
Republicans also realize that most people do not have the time or interest to delve into all the complexities that make up this country’s problems. They want a target, something or someone to blame, and the Republicans are happy to oblige. It makes their message much more concise, and easy to digest. It’s no matter that message appeals to people’s worse instincts. Hatred, fear, prejudice, misogyny, intolerance, the list goes on. The more you have people controlled by their emotions, the less logic and reason will be applied. Democrats have never been able to figure out a way to deliver their message without a “yeah, but …” That is the problem with being inclusive, or having depth. You can’t always come out with blanket statements, a simple message with a solid target. Groups of people don’t do well with the abstract.
So you end up focusing on goals, which seems fine, but then you have to explain all the steps to reach them, and how it will effect all the people involved, and soon you inevitably end up mentioning sacrifices, and by that time you’ve lost any momentum you’ve had. You’re probably even zoning out as you read that sentence. We have become accustomed to receiving our information in soundbites and memes, in 140 characters or less, and that plays right into the Republicans wheelhouse. What’s easier for people to grasp: a long winded and boring explanation of socioeconomic reasons and global change that lead to the death of manufacturing jobs, or to simply say “immigrants are taking our jobs”, or “unions and regulations are killing business”? The Republicans message skips over all the work and differing factors involved, and does all the thinking for you, and after all, isn’t that what most people want? They see the government as something that is supposed to do all the work for them. They shouldn’t have to micromanage it, yet that’s exactly what a democracy demands. Vigilant, engaged citizens, being a part of the process.
Republicans know that people are lazy. They know that people view government as a necessary evil, not something that they actively want to work at. They know people want to be entertained, not given homework. They realize that they don’t have to even argue the issues, it’s easier and more appealing to our baser natures to just attack character, and find buzzwords and hurl insults. They know that nothing stimulates the mob mentality like the illusion of fighting back, even if there is nothing substantial that you’re actually fighting against. Reacting makes you feel like you are doing something, it makes you feel like you have some control or power, so it makes sense that politicians frame issues in ways that are reactionary.
The sad thing is, people are perfectly capable of delving into issues. TV shows with intricate plotlines and arcs, music and its many forms, sports, with their stats and history and minutiae, lurid real-life murder stories where poring over and analysing every detail is part of the fun. For most people, there is nothing fun or interesting about the very policies that govern them. They know that they should care, but they just can’t force themselves to do it. Critical thinking isn’t sexy to most people, and I don’t think that will ever change.
As a result, we have arrived in the place we are now. A whole nation full of agitated and misled citizens, arguing over things that aren't even real. Distracted by noise, engaging in battles over minor issues, and trafficking in tabloid level journalism. Political discourse has devolved to yelling at each other and repeating misinformation until it becomes reality. Politics has become entertainment, but the very worst form of it, like something you would see on Jerry Springer. These are very dangerous times.
But back to my original point. I miss the days when no one was talking about politics on a daily basis. I miss when family dinners and casual get togethers weren’t dominated by talk of fascism and xenophobia. I miss the times when horrible behavior and statements got you run out of office, rather than made you a hero. I long for the days when people demanded character and class from their leaders, or at least the illusion of it.
I really miss politics being my own little thing, my nerdy sanctuary where I could just be left alone to read and ruminate on what went on in the corridors of power. I’d like you to know that these things I now post on Facebook are really nothing new to me. Even in my teens, I was writing my own stuff, and showing my friends. It kind of became my role in the group. If any of my friends had a question regarding politics or government, they would ask me for my take on it. I used to type these things up, and give copies out to the people I knew, and some of them liked it, just like now. More often than not, people could care less, also just like now. The difference is, I knew which of my friends cared about it as well, and didn’t bother the ones who didn’t.
Now all the stuff I post on here also shows up on people’s timelines who don’t care a thing about it. I kind of feel bad about that, and I also kind of get annoyed that they don’t care about what their government is doing, but what can you do? I get it. Life is hard, and there are a bunch of other things you have to deal with on a daily basis. I’m not going to get too preachy or judgemental about it, and hope you afford me the same luxury. Just scroll on by if it doesn’t interest you, and wait until I post something about a cat or my rabbit.
I also find myself trying to keep it lighter and more generic. In the old days I would have names and figures and examples, but no one wants that now. To be honest, there is so much information coming daily that you can’t ever get ahead of it. You comment on the general hum and tone of whatever is going on because you don’t have time to delve into specifics. That’s a problem too. Most of the in depth reporting comes before or after a story hits the news cycle. You don’t even find out about a lot of it until weeks, months, or even years later.
Where I really wander into the territory of that whole “good old days” mentality that makes me cringe though, is when I see how completely fucked up and broken things are nowadays. The thing that pushed me over the edge this time is that we have arrived at a point where a sitting president is arguing with a porn star on Twitter. A porn star that he paid off to keep quiet about having sex with years ago.
What reality is this? To me, this is way beyond any “rap and computers are killing music” or “kids are addicted to their phones” rhetoric. Again, a sitting president is publicly sparring with a porn star about semantics regarding their sex scandal, which most people apparently aren’t even viewing as a scandal.
How did we arrive here? When did our expectations get this low? The hypocrisy and willful ignorance is astounding. Eight years of conservatives searching for outrage and controversy in everything Barack Obama did, and now all the cognitive dissonance required to ignore the reprehensible actions of Donald Trump. The thing is, none of the outrage from the right, phony or not, changed the minds of anyone on the left, and none of our outrage is going to change most minds on the right. Outrage only really affects your worldview if it outrages you personally. You can put up with a lot of shit if you aren’t impacted too harshly yourself.
The things that are impacting a lot of Trump supporters are again complex and abstract. If you never had great healthcare, why would you get upset about losing it? If you never felt you had a shot at college, or a great job or career with good benefits and workers rights, why would you get outraged by people who are losing theirs? Why would you get all worked up about your medicare and social security in your 20’s and 30’s when it’s so far off in the future that it almost feels alien to you? Why are you concerned with the environment or civil rights when you are struggling everyday to feed your family or just survive?
All these things require abstract thought, and that isn’t a luxury most people possess. Meanwhile, you have one side pumping out misinformation designed to make it worse, and to appeal to the people who just want a quick answer and something to hit. They are further conditioning them to think that this is normal political discourse and activism. Worse yet, people on the left are picking up on that. They are getting their news from suspect sources. They are getting distracted by minor incidents, looking for outrage and finding it everywhere. They are taking their eyes off of the big picture, and getting splintered and losing their effectiveness. Just saying that is going to draw the ire of some on the left who will take it as a personal affront when it is just a general statement about a portion of the whole. That’s where we are, though.
Sure, all the horrible stuff on the right is exhausting, but we are spending all of our energy on short term things that ultimately don’t matter in the grand scheme. That’s by design as well. Divide and conquer, make the enemy fight on too many fronts. We are playing their game, a game that the internet and 24 hour news and social media makes possible.
Like most things we complain about when it comes to the newer generation and modern times, it is really more of the same old shit. Each generation’s music and attitudes and politics looked ridiculous to their parent’s generation; now our kid’s behavior looks ridiculous to us. Perhaps all this garbage right now is necessary. Maybe it’s growing pains. Maybe it all needs to be dragged out into the light to finally kill it. Maybe this is what the middle of a paradigm shift looks like.
This is the age of technology and computers, the internet and information. All the things that your kid’s phones and laptops, the things you hate so much, makes possible. It is a brave new world, and we don’t really understand it, and that frightens us. It is one of the main things that gives the Republicans message so much power. We fear the new, especially when we don’t understand it, and probably never will. The resistance to change is a huge driving force in conservative thinking, and on the left as well, loathe as we are to admit it. Cling to what makes sense to you, no matter how outdated and obsolete it may be.
The thing is, that’s not how visionaries think. Progress doesn’t come from standing still or going backwards. It comes by progressing. Mistakes will be made, failures will occur, that’s how progress works.
So rather than fear it, we should embrace it. For all my hypocritical pining for the old days of political interaction and discourse, the potential for so much more is there with what we have today. Already social media and the internet has had a huge impact on world events and government. Revolutions are being fought everyday, and there is the capability for everyone to be involved and have a voice. It is going to take some time to figure it all out; we are all still infants in this new era, don’t kid yourselves.
But when we do, I believe it will be better than it was, not worse. Unfortunately for now, we are stuck with a traitorous buffoon and a corrupt political party that is frantically doing its best to cling to power and make a cash grab for anything that they can. That is actually a very good sign. It means that they know they are losing, and won’t be around very much longer.
Here’s to the good new days and the future.

Men As Victims

Now the vile right is crying about how men need to be scared, and they are going to be victims. It’s a disgusting and ridiculous ploy to try to frighten people and turn the narrative around. It is a classic technique used over and over again by the very people who have horrible views and perpetrate heinous acts. If you buy into it, you are at best naive, and at worst a horrible human being, possibly with something to hide yourself.
So here’s the thing.
I have known or met hundreds(yes, hundreds) of women who have been the victims of sexual assault and abuse. Chances are very good that you have too, you just don’t know it. I have heard about groping and aggressive behavior, pressuring and threats, not taking no for an answer. I have heard about workplace sexual harassment. I have heard about molestation by family members, friends and neighbors. I have heard about being drugged, being raped, even gang raped. I have heard about being tortured and beaten.
I sit there and I listen to these women tell me about these things, and it is heartbreaking. They are reliving something traumatic and horrific. Some of them break down crying, some of them try to pretend it didn’t really matter, some of them blame themselves.
The thing I notice about all of them is that they are watching my face as they tell me, looking for any sign that I am going to brush it off or not believe them or mock them. They are afraid I will lose respect for them, or judge them, or think it was their fault. When they see that I don’t judge, that I don’t question them, that I believe them, the relief on their faces is immense. Their whole demeanor changes, and their guard comes down. I believe them. I empathize. I cry with them sometimes.
They will often tell me about how other people, men they were seeing, their friends, their parents, the police, wouldn’t believe them, or would tell them it was no big deal and to get over it. They tell me about so many horrible reactions to their incidents or feelings. Many of them never get any kind of help. They don’t get justice, they don’t get psychological help, they don’t even get assistance or sympathy from the people who are supposed to love them most. It’s not their fault. I know a lot of women who would love to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist, but they just can’t afford it. Insurance doesn’t even cover a tiny bit of what they need. I know a bunch who went to the police, and nothing was ever done.
So they keep their secrets to themselves. Who can blame them?
Still, that’s not even the point. The point is that while I know of all these women personally who have been assaulted, and millions more in the news, I don’t know of any men who have had their lives destroyed by false accusations. I have only even heard of a few cases of it in the world at large, a tiny percentage compared to the millions of cases of abuse that are real.
But before anyone comes forward with some story about how some woman once accused them of something they didn’t do, I will correct my statement about not knowing any man who was falsely accused. I know of one.
Once I was served with a PFA(Protection From Abuse order) from a girl I had been dating. The constable and his deputy showed up at my door and handed me the paperwork. I was shocked, to say the least. This was a women I had been dating on and off for years. There had never been one incident where I ever did anything to hurt or threaten her. I told the constable that, and he laughed. He and his deputy joked about how they were always handing out these things, and that women are emotional and get all upset over little things all the time. They told me how sorry they were that some dumb woman was causing me aggravation. I was a little taken aback by that, as this was law enforcement, there to protect women.
So I was stressed for a few days. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I talk to a lawyer, should I show up at the hearing and defend myself? Should I just let her have the order against me, and hope it didn’t mess up anything in my life down the road? I couldn’t contact her, that was one of the stipulations of the order.
A little background at the time. Like I said, we had dated on and off for years. About six months prior to the order, when we got back together, she had been seeing someone else. In the six months we had been dating at this time, this guy was still in her life at times. He was actually abusive, which is why she broke up with him in the first place. She had told me a week before that she was seeing him again. I begged her not to go back to him, but she wouldn’t hear it. That was the sole thing she mentioned in the order, that I told her “You and I belong together, you don’t belong with him”. She said that she perceived that as a threat, and while I don’t see that statement as any kind of a threat, that’s the whole point of perception. People see things differently. I also had a penchant for punching holes in the wall on occasion. People used to laugh about it, and I always thought that it was a healthier outlet than actually punching people. Later I came to realize that it is still violent, and still a scary thing for a woman to witness, especially a woman who has been the victim of abuse.
What ended up happening was that she called me a few days later, and told me that she was sorry. She would drop it, and not show up at the hearing. She knew I would never hurt her, she was just afraid that I might say something or show up at her house, and get her in trouble with this guy she was seeing. She panicked, and saw this as a quick way to make sure I didn’t cause any trouble in her relationship. Ironically, I think mostly because he would have taken it out on her.
She had broken up with him again, and she ended up coming over the day of the hearing, just to prove that she wasn’t trying to trick me into not showing up. We actually had a great day, and ended up dating again for the next couple of years. I’m still good friends with her to this day.
So there you go, I was a victim of a false accusation. My life is fine. Granted, it could have gone the other way, but even if it had, how badly would it have affected my life?
I am middle class white guy. The company I was working for at the time just laughed when I told them about it, and expressed their sympathies. The cops who came and delivered the order were on my side, with none of the facts other than I seemed like a nice guy with my shit together. Don’t think a judge in the men’s club wouldn’t have seen it the same way. I have heard horror stories. My friends and family knew who I was, and they knew it wasn’t true.
Meanwhile, the women I know who have been abused are still having it affect their lives everyday. Every facet of their lives, in ,most cases. The way they look at the world has radically changed for them. It is frightening, it is chaotic, they have a hard time trusting anybody or anything, and why shouldn’t they? They were assaulted, they were abused, they had everything taken from them, and no one seemed to care. They were blamed, they were accused, they were ignored. Even now, years and decades later, their pain and trauma gets dismissed. By their friends and family. By their boyfriends or husbands. By law enforcement, by their leaders. Now they see victims of the same abuse mocked by no less than the President of the United States.
They see these same people supporting the abuser. How are they supposed to feel? What message does that send? I know so many women who can’t even be a part of this conversation because it triggers them, and reminds them of their own pain and horror that they endured.
So don’t be fooled for one minute about how poor, defenseless men are the ones who need to be protected. Any man who says that isn’t a man at all. Any real man I know wants to protect women, not fear them. And the men who are cowards, and probably guilty of a bunch of terrible shit themselves? They should fear women, because now women are finding their voice, and discovering how powerful they really are. Of course, all oppressors get scared when the people they have oppressed for so long finally rise up. The reckoning is coming, and I’m not afraid at all.
Are you?

Cynics Beware

I still see so many cynics and doomsayers ready to concede Kavanaugh's nomination. They still think that even with everything that's happened, that he'll still just get put on the Supreme Court.
Thing is, people were ready to give up weeks ago, then the Dems showed how he refused to answer any questions, and politicians and activists and regular people made a lot of noise about unsealing his records and obstruction of justice. Still, the cynics cried that it didn't matter.
Then there was an accusation of sexual assault, then another, and another. "They won't let her testify, the victim won't get a hearing, it won't make a difference!" the naysayers shouted again, throwing their hands up in the air.
Then, a courageous woman sat in front of a bunch of angry men and the nation, and quietly, with dignity, plead her case. The candidate and the men promoting him came off horribly. Kavanaugh perjured himself, and fell apart under pressure, and his outbursts severely damaged his credibility and his ability to serve on the SCOTUS.
"So what? There will be no delay or investigation, he will just be confirmed." the negative crowd responded.
Then two more courageous women cornered a spineless and wishy-washy Senator in an elevator, a Senator who just so happened to have decided not to run for reelection earlier that year. A Senator with nothing to lose. Lo and behold, that Senator did something noble and shocking, and actually stood up and forced an investigation that only moments before most people assumed would never happen.
Now those same naysayers are saying that the investigation will be a sham, and it is corrupted. That might have some truth to it, but I think that those people are underestimating the FBI and the Justice Department, as well as all the Senators and protesters and activists who got them this far to begin with. I think that they might be discounting human decency, and the power of the people.
And yeah, this time next week, Brett Kavanaugh might still be put on the Supreme Court.
But now he is tainted beyond repair. Now he has chinks in his armor that can be used to impeach him, to call any of his decisions into question, to actually undermine the legitimacy of the Supreme Court itself. He might become the only judge serving on the Supreme Court to be tried for rape. He is only going to inflict more damage on the GOP and their causes going forward. At this point, the GOP is shooting themselves in the foot by placing him there. They are thinking short term, while the Dems are playing the long game.
Don't get me wrong, I like the cynics. I am a cynic, at heart. You need the cynics to point out the absurdity, the injustice, and prepare us for the inevitable at times. I just think that we do ourselves an injustice to view this whole circus as a negative, when the positives are overwhelming.

Yet another sports analogy about politics...

One big thing in politics and sports is momentum. It's also a pretty big thing in physics. Right now, all the momentum is with the Democrats. Sure, the power is with the Republicans, and on paper it should have been an easy win, but anyone who has ever watched a 14 point underdog win a big football game against the defending champions in the second half, you know that things don't always work out the way you expect them to.
When momentum shifts, it throws off your whole gameplan. Suddenly it starts affecting the team in ways you never imagined, and didn't notice until it is too late to manage with simple tweaks to your strategy. Now your defense is getting tired, and the opposition is seeing all your plays and schemes, and is now familiar with them. Now your opponent knows how to counter them. Your offense has to throw out some of the more successful, low risk plays for more dangerous ones that could cover more ground, but wind up hurting you because of their recklessness.
That is the position the GOP is in now. They are reeling, giving up too much ground and being forced to take much more riskier moves. Not just in the Kavanaugh debacle. Everywhere.
In their attempt to control the narrative and plug the leaks and cover up the lies, they have opened their flanks to attack, and the attackers are relentless. They have exposed their weaknesses and shortcomings, and those weaknesses will be exploited. They are spread too thin.
They have managed to paint themselves as misogynists, hysterical whiners, bullies, and complicit in the obstruction of justice. Worst of all in Washington, they once again prove themselves incompetent.
They knew once Trump became president and didn't temper his arrogance and bizarre rants and hatred, that there would be a countdown timer until it all exploded like a cheap roadside fireworks stand. They probably never even expected to make it to the midterms, but they became emboldened by Trump's base, and their stubborn refusal to accept reality.
But now, even those rubes can't help them, so they are overreaching and trying everything they can, while they still have some control of the game. Meanwhile, behind closed doors, they are like crooked accountants, shredding paper while the FBI knocks on their door. They just want to get themselves as clean and protected as they can before they get out of Dodge.
It will be hard to turn that momentum. If the Democrats are smart, they will be inclusive, to the progressives and the socialists and the young people who want to stay on the offensive and move the ball forward. Moderates and progressives can coexist. There is a lot of common ground, but a lot of that gets lost in today's combative atmosphere.
There is another sports analogy, and that is you don't let the other team up when you have them down, you go for the kill. We are at a point in history where the racist, misogynist, crooked old white man club can finally be crippled, perhaps permanently. We need all parts of the left to do that. It is a golden opportunity, and we can't squander it with infighting and division in the ranks. You can't fight a world war and a civil war at the same time. You need full strength from all parts of the team, working towards a single goal.
That goal should be using our momentum to crush the opposition while they are down. It might sound cruel, but it is much more humane in the long run, for everyone.

Yesterday

Some things I took away from yesterday:

Can we finally just do away with the notion that there is anything close to impartiality in politics? There used to be the illusion of nonpartisan politics, but that was mostly because compromise and reason could prevail, because people held their elected officials to a higher standard. That was all before the internet and news as entertainment. It used to be that a lot of the people who really got involved in political issues and discussions were people who made an effort to understand issues and politics. Sure, there were always loudmouths, and there was always a segment of the population who didn’t really understand the complexity of the issues, who you could rile up and get to vote against their best interests. You used to have to read a reputable newspaper or watch real journalism on TV to get your politics, and it used to be a slog for most people to sit through. A lot of people ignored the political part of the paper, or the Washington segment of the news. There was integrity involved in reporting the news, and not just anybody could do it. Now you have anyone who can make a blog or buy a domain name for ten bucks pretending to be journalists. You have a propaganda channel like Fox, or a biased channel like MSNBC informing people, and a whole segment of the population crying that The New York Times, The Washington Post, or CNN is fake news. We get our news from soundbites and memes, and don’t even bother to check its accuracy. If we get news that we don’t like, we just change the channel or go online and look for something that tells us what we want to hear.
As a result, impartiality is completely nonexistent in politics.
Yesterday, we saw Republican Senators dead set on rushing a nomination for the Supreme Court, doing their best to suppress any evidence that might hurt their nominee, and putting party before country, or even common sense. You saw what turned into a battle of ideology between both parties, rather than finding an impartial judge to sit on the highest court in the land and make rulings based on the Constitution. The death knell for impartiality sounded when you saw a judge, someone who is sworn to be impartial and uphold the law, launch into a screed about conspiracy theories on how the Democrats are sabotaging him as some form of revenge. It was a mockery of the system and process, of the senate hearings, of the law profession, of the Supreme Court itself, yet the entire Republican party is fine with it.
And of course, you can go online today and read an equal amount of stories in complete disagreement with each other on what happened yesterday. Some of it is opinion, and stated as such, but a lot of it is presented as actual journalism, as fact, and that is sad. You can find something somewhere from any dubious source that will tell you exactly what you want to hear, and there is nothing impartial about that at all.
So it is time we just admit that impartiality doesn’t exist anymore, if it ever did. At best, blatant bias and partiality was kept to a minimum by decorum and common decency, but no more. In fact, it doesn’t seem to exist in another place where it is vital, in law enforcement and in court, and some people seem to be quite happy about it. It doesn’t exist in education anymore, where schools are teaching biased curriculum and altering history. It doesn’t exist anywhere, and I don’t know how we move forward as a society and a nation without it when so many of our most important institutions depend on it.

Republicans are even more horrible than I thought. They do not care for women, or even view them as people. They had their minds made up before one word was even spoken. They had to have on outside woman come in to do their questioning, because they didn’t even trust themselves to speak to a woman, an abuse victim, without somehow betraying their misogyny and contempt. Republican politicians and their constituents are anti-women, pure and simple. Everything about their policies, their attitudes, their words and actions, shows it. If yesterday didn’t prove that to you beyond a shadow of a doubt, you are just too obtuse, brainwashed, self-hating, stupid, willfully ignorant, or misogynist yourself to see or admit it.
Republicans don’t care about the truth or the country or its people. They are hell bent on putting Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court because he will further help our treasonous president and the wealthy. They are pushing him through because they want to control women’s decisions about their own bodies, even though that issue was put to rest decades ago and is only important to a segment of their base that they pay lip service to for votes.
They are hypocrites. They talk about law and order, but they are constantly trying to discredit the justice department, and quash any calls for independent investigations into their criminal activity. You saw yesterday, when an accuser welcomed an FBI investigation, and the accused and his handlers did everything they could to avoid one. Who do you think is telling the truth, someone who wants as much light as possible shined on the issue, or someone who wants to keep it in the dark?
They are belligerent and combative, and they think that shouting and hysterics equals strength. They act like little children, throwing tantrums and shouting down opponents rather than trying to defend their position with reason and intelligent arguments. When you resort to that, you are basically admitting you have no compelling argument for your position or behavior.
Republicans are not very smart. I was struck at how dimwitted most of the Republican senators seemed yesterday. They seemed incapable of expressing themselves well, they seemed incapable of critical thinking, they seemed incapable of doing anything other than repeating the same tired talking points. They didn’t seem like they could understand simple ideas or statements. They just seemed old and dumb and sad, when they weren’t pouting and crying and yelling about having to explain themselves. At the risk of sounding like an elitist(who am I kidding, I am totally going to sound like an elitist), it’s no wonder they appeal so much to the uneducated and white trash in this country. They are mostly idiots who present themselves as classy and respetable. I was never a fan of Republicans, but there used to be a good portion of them that I at least respected on some level. There used to be some of the best and the brightest on their side, but now they all seem like hucksters and used car salesmen, who appeal to a bunch of blowhard losers.

A bunch of people who suddenly got interested in politics when Trump appeared on the scene are now tired of politics. There was a whole contingent of people who voted for Trump, some who were voting for the first time in their lives, because he simply seemed like a voice for them. Disillusioned with politics, stuck in a world that was passing them by and seemed to be getting worse day by day. They might have gotten their information from biased sources and propaganda, and it might have appealed to some racist or xenophobic tendencies, but they were not religious zealots or white supremacists. They were just somewhat naive when it came to politics and socioeconomic issues.
They are out, though. They want no part of it anymore. I noticed when Trump met with Putin, that they seemed to throw in the towel. Suddenly all the formerly political people on my feed who supported Trump were posting about how they were sick of political posts and wanted to go back to talking about music or movies or cats or whatever they were into before they got sucked into the whole political circus.
On the flip side, the same 30% or so that shows up in polls and supports whatever Trump and his cronies do, no matter how horrible, never really go away. Every other category in polls goes up and down, and changes with new information and actions, yet that 30% seems to always remain. They will simply dig in their heels, and stubbornly refuse to budge, from their positions or their mistakes. They are pretty much enemies of the state. They don’t care about the Constitution, they don’t care about rights or equality, they only want someone to pay for what they see as the downfall of our nation. They are wrong, and they are horrible citizens and people. They are outspoken fascists at worst and good Germans at best, and they are dragging us all down because they are so easily manipulated.

Some good news.

There are still a lot of people out there who are outraged, and will not accept this kind of garbage. They understand the issues, and they believe women when they say they were assaulted. They see through all the bullshit and the cheap tricks these thieves and liars throw at them. They are dead set on taking this country back from cretins and fascists, these crooks and shills infesting our government. There are still a lot of people out there, rich and poor, famous and unknown, who know what’s right and will keep fighting for it. Who will guard our country and our freedom and our ideals.
It is important to remember that regardless of the outcome, all is not lost. The Republicans have hurt themselves more than they helped their cause. Most people cling to this idea that a Supreme Court justice cannot be removed, but that is not true at all. When Democrats are back in control, they can impeach and remove Kavanaugh if so inclined. It would set a dangerous precedent, no doubt, but it can be done. If his accusers seek justice, he could end up on trial for attempted rape, and then it would be hard for Republicans to fight impeachment. The Constitution is an amazing document, and has served this country well for centuries. The Founding Fathers prepared for nearly every situation, and made it flexible and open to interpretation so it can adapt to whatever times we live in.
I have even more faith in my country and its people after yesterday. I saw so many smart, clever, funny, and enlightened responses to a horrible situation, so I am not discouraged about what is happening right now. I am outraged. I am frustrated. I am disgusted. But I am hopeful, because I see the big picture and the long game, and you should, too. If there is one thing history shows us, it’s that this country swings wildly from left to right and back again, and it will continue to do so. History also shows us that even though there are bad periods, we still progress. Look at the last century, and all the turmoil and strife and misery, but then compare it the progress we have made, and we have made so much. No one ever said it would be easy.

When I was a kid ...

When I was a kid, there was a sitcom about prisoners of war having fun, going on dates, and outwitting a bunch of goofy, lovable Nazis.

When I was a kid, there was a cartoon that centered around a horny skunk trying to rape a cat.

When I was a kid, there was a comic in the paper everyday about a drunk, British guy who would beat the shit out of his wife.

When I was a kid, there was a comic book about a girl with an eating disorder, and she ate way too much and suffered through a lot of fat jokes, but the more she ate, the stronger she got so could beat people up, so it was okay.

When I was a kid, the coolest guy in the world was a narcissistic TV character who used the threat of violence to solve problems, and went on incestuous dates with twins and triplets.

When I was a kid, there was a TV show about a dumb guy who was always screwing up, and when his wife pointed it out, he would threaten to punch her so hard she would fly to the moon.

When I was a kid, there was a cartoon about a mentally challenged cat who would annoy a bad tempered mouse she was in love with, so he would hit her in the head with bricks, and she would mistake that for a sign of affection.

When I was a kid, there was a comic book about a clinically depressed soldier forced to be in the army, and all the hilarious ways his life was miserable.

When I was a kid, a popular cartoon character was mumbling, cursing sailor whose answer to every problem was to eat spinach and beat the shit out of anyone he didn’t like.

When I was a kid, all the boys played with a doll that glorified war and being a soldier, and all the girls played with a doll that presented them with an unattainable standard of beauty.

When I was a kid, there were a lot of fucked up choices for entertainment, but now none of it looks that fucked up compared what's going on in the real life Republican party.

Teachers

     Anyone who knows me knows what a horrible time I had with school, what with the bullies and the moving, not to mention a lot of the boredom and repetition. Usually you won’t see me sticking up for school, and while I do believe our school systems leave a lot to be desired, I certainly don’t blame the teachers. I had some teachers that really made an impact on my life. Some for the worse, I won’t lie. Teachers are like any group of people, there are good ones and bad ones, and also exceptional ones.
     Elementary school grades 1-5 I went to Catholic school in New Jersey. My teachers were just fine, and honestly it never really dawned on me that a teacher could be anything but kind and helpful. Then 4th grade came along, and Mrs. Mouer. If you’re not sure how to pronounce that, it might help to know that we called her “sour Mouer” behind her back. She seemed to not care for teaching, or for children as well. She wasn’t a horrible person, or a horrible teacher, for that matter, but it was the first time in my life that I realized some people weren’t happy doing whatever thing in life they were doing. Up until that point, I didn’t even see teachers as fully realized people. I just saw them in their role in my life, as teachers. I can remember thinking, even at that young age, that maybe something was wrong in her life outside of school, and I actually started to feel a little bad for her.
     To this day, when I think of her, I mostly have an image of a woman who was dealing with something outside of school, like maybe an illness or a divorce. My father had recently had some serious medical issues, and I remember thinking that maybe her husband was in the hospital, like my father had been. So even Sour Mouer played a role in my life, and started me down that road to empathy. She really didn’t do anything wrong besides be unhappy in her job, and compared to other teachers down the line, she was a picnic.
     In fact, watching her do a job she didn’t find fulfilling, or in spite of the rest of her life falling apart, it taught me that a lot of life is just handling your responsibilities and getting things done. She seemed to expect more, and was a little harder on us than most, but I suppose she was as hard on herself, so we didn’t complain too much. 

      When I think back on those years, the rest of my teachers were kind and happy and pretty exuberant about their jobs, but I really couldn’t tell you a lot about them besides the fact that they seemed like what I expected teachers to be. But I just spent a few paragraphs describing the one teacher that wasn’t what you expect a teacher to be, so that must mean something. At least she made a lasting impression, so thank you for that.
     Then I went to Texas for two years, and some of the teachers out there were downright cruel. They mocked me for not being from Texas, or for playing sports, and they paddled kids with what was essentially a cricket bat for the most minor infractions, as well as the male teachers being flirty and inappropriate with some of the female students. We’re talking 6th and 7th grade here. In fact, there was only one teacher who I can look back on and say that they actually seemed to care about me as a student, and I’m sad to say that I can’t even remember her name.
     Almost all of my memories of school life in Texas are painful and traumatic ones, but I had a teacher who actually tried to make my life better. She was constantly telling me that I could do better, and I should apply myself more. She often pointed out that my mistakes were careless ones, not because I didn’t know the work. She knew I wasn’t having an easy time of it, although I don’t think she could have known the extent of the torment I was dealing with. Knowing I had that one class where I got a little reprieve from the hell that was the rest of the school day, and that someone in the school actually gave a shit if I was living up to my potential helped me tremendously. 

     She didn’t have to care at all, and that was when I first realized that the polar opposite of Mrs Mouer existed, someone who went out of their way to make a students life better. You have no idea how much it bothers me that I can’t even remember her name, but I think I consciously blocked out so many memories from those two years. The main takeaway is that even in that hell, a teacher made a positive impact on my life.
     I should also mention that I took private art lessons in Texas, and that was wonderful. Mrs. Linda Fagan was my art teacher, and she was amazing. She was kind of a frumpy, overtly Christian housewife. Lessons were in her living room, and then moved to a studio over her garage for the second year. The thing is, she was an amazing artist, and so inspiring and encouraging. She taught oil and acrylic painting, and pencil and pastel drawing, still life, landscapes, animals, portraits, you name it.
     I started with painting, and when she first met me she suggested acrylic because she didn’t think I would have the patience for oils. She was right. After the first few weeks of teaching technique, she let each student decide what they wanted to paint, so you would have a whole class of kids all working on something completely different. It didn’t feel like lessons at all, it felt like freedom and creation and was just joyous. 

     After a year of painting, I decided that wasn’t fast enough, so I switched to pencil and pastels. She didn’t miss a beat, and continued to teach me and encourage me to find what made me want to draw, not what she thought I should draw. She was the first teacher who made a really huge difference in my life, and whenever I pick up a pencil, I think of her.
     Then we moved to Pennsylvania, and high school came along, and that was a real horrorshow. I got bullied and picked on, and treated like crap by most of the other kids. A lot of the teachers were okay, but most of them seemed like they were just doing a job, nothing more. A few stand out, though, and made an impact on my life whether they knew it or not. 

     My grades had started going steadily downhill since leaving Jersey. When I was young, it was almost a foregone conclusion that I was going on to college, and destined for some greater things. I tested really high, I was getting A’s and B’s, and there was even talk of skipping me ahead a grade. By the time highschool rolled around, I was having anxiety attacks and stomach cramps, and generally wishing I was dead. It was going to be a battle just getting me through highschool alive and passing, let alone being valedictorian.
     The first teacher who really made an impression on me was Mr. Smith, my english teacher. He was very effeminate; and whether he was or not, the kids decided he was gay. They would mock him and make jokes about him mercilessly. 1980 in a rural Pennsylvania school is much different than it is today. No one was concerned with the rights of gay people, even their right to exist. 

It was hell on earth some days for Mr. Smith to simply do what he loved doing, to teach. Regardless of how the kids treated him, he rose above it all, and still had an enthusiasm for his subject and for teaching children. One day, after a particularly cruel joke, I watched him go out to the hall, holding back tears, to compose himself. He came back in a few minutes later, and went right back to teaching. He never gave anyone the satisfaction of seeing him break or changing who he was.
     He was always positive. He knew I wasn’t having an easy time of it, and I remember once when I had to give an oral report on Animal Farm. I was a mess all week, thinking about getting up in front of that class. I couldn’t even write the report I was supposed to read, and I stayed home sick most of the week trying to get out of it. I would have been happy to just get an F and be done with it. I just made it worse, because when I came back to school, even though the other students had all given their reports the week before, he still expected me to give mine. So I ended up getting in front of the class, with no notes, and giving a really half-assed book report. I couldn’t tell you much about it, because I was breaking out in a cold sweat and the room was spinning the entire time.
     When I got back to my seat, he critiqued me, and I remember it being the nicest, most understanding, and gentle critique I ever got from a teacher. He told me what I could have done better, but then he mentioned how I went up there without notes, and he said that showed I knew the subject and was brave, and even though I could have explained the plot better, he could tell by what I did say that I understood the book and its meaning, so for that he gave me a C+. Trust me, I was there, that report was not worth anything over a D-.
     What he was telling me was that he got it, he knew how hard it was for me, and he knew I understood what I was reading. He made sure to hit some positives that I could take with me, and give me some praise in front of the class to take away some of the embarrassment and sting of flailing away up there in front of my peers. I was way ahead of most of the kids my age when it came to reading, and I learned a lot more about life than I learned about grammar and literature from Mr Smith, and that was what I needed more at that point in my life. He saw that, and never made it about his terms, he made it about mine, even as he was dealing with a lot of shit himself.
     Mr. Helinski was my chemistry teacher, and he really seemed to like chemistry, teaching, and life. He was who he was, and he didn’t seem to care what you thought of that. He was fun, but knowledgeable, and he made learning interesting. He would kid around with me, but never pick on me.
     One of the best things he ever did might sound foolish to you, but it made a difference in my life. On the last day of school before Christmas break, most of the classes were free period. On that day, he brought in his Tom Lehrer records, and played us the element song. Most of the kids could care less, and he could care less about that. A few of us really liked it, and we sat up front hanging out with him and listening to Tom Lehrer.
     The thing was, Mr. Helinski wasn’t what anyone would consider cool. He wasn’t worried about winning you over, he simply seemed to be who he was, and he was fine with that. He took chemistry seriously, and expected you to as well, but it was still fun and laid back when he taught it to you. He never tried to single you out or make any power plays. He was all inclusive, he didn’t seem to favor anyone, and was kind of in awe that he seemed to be so confident without making a point out of being confident.
     Mr. Terhune was my english teacher for senior year. He was probably the closest thing to a college professor I ever had. His classes were pretty open, and he would stray from the curriculum at times. He also seemed to see something in me that most people didn’t.
     The first time I noticed was when we were reading Beowulf. We weren’t really far into the book, and he asked what any of us thought about it so far. I was one of those kids who hid in the back, and never raised my hand. He would still call on you anyway, because that’s what teachers should do. Get you involved, even if you don’t want to be. I would tend to hang back after class, and ask the teacher one on one, and most of them hated that. Mr. Terhune was okay with it, but he would still prod me to speak up in class.
     So he made a point out of asking me what I thought about Beowulf, and I told him. I said I was bored with it, because Beowulf seemed invincible. He seemed like Superman, and Superman was pretty impervious to everything. I liked Batman. Batman could get punched, and it hurt. He could get shot and die. I felt like Beowulf was just hero worship, and I didn’t find a lot of drama there. Then I held my breath, shocked that I just said all that in front of a classroom full of kids, let alone tore apart a piece of classic literature.
     He then exclaimed “Thank God! I’ve been teaching this old, boring thing forever and felt the exact same way. Good job, Ferraris. Everyone go home, read the book, we’ll take a quiz, and move onto something better!”
     The kids seemed happy about that too, and for once I felt like everyone in the room didn’t hate me.
     One other thing he did was come up with the funniest grammar test I have ever taken. He wrote it in the form of a story, about a kid who wanted tickets to see the Doobie Brothers, so he robbed a store or a bank to get money. It ended with him running from the police and being shot from behind. You had to go through the story and correct all the grammar. For extra credit, he told us we could finish the story on the back of the test any way we saw fit.
      I was done pretty quickly, so I started writing. I filled up the back of the test, telling how the bullet didn’t kill him, and he made it home. He got a gun from his father’s rifle case, and held the police at bay, eventually hitting a gas line and blowing up the entire neighborhood. I was a pretty damaged kid at this point. So whatever, I turned in my paper and went to my next class.
     The next day, I had kids I barely knew telling me how much they liked my story. I had know idea what they were talking about or how they even knew. When I got to class, Mr. Terhune handed us back our tests. He was talking about how only half the class bothered to do the extra credit part, but informed us that one student went above and beyond and wrote something amazing. He looked at me and said “Good job, Mr. Ferraris,” and then read my story to the class, as he had done to all of his classes so far that day.
     I was terrified but proud, and I think some of the kids looked at me with respect, and some of them became a little scared of me. He paused at one point, and commended me on using the proper version or lay or lie, whichever it was. He told me that he wasn’t going to give me my test back, he wanted to keep it for himself, to share with future classes.
      I had been writing stuff before that, but this was the first time anyone had ever read any of it, let alone heard it read out loud. It would still be a long time until I started showing people my work, but when I did, I still think back on that incident and how the world didn’t end, and people didn’t come after me with pitchforks. In fact, some people actually liked it. I now share my writing on the internet with everyone, and a lot of that started with Mr. Terhune. Before that moment, I thought I was wasting my time. I thought I would get over being a writer, and forget about it completely. Because of that, I was encouraged to keep going. Today I am a writer because a teacher gave me praise and recognition, and I could never thank him enough for that.
     I didn’t make it in the end. I dropped out of high school in 12th grade, with only a few months to go. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wouldn’t have graduated anyway, because of gym credits, of all things. I would have had to make it up in summer school or something, so I just walked away.
     Well, not quite. For some reason, they made me go to each of my teachers to have them sign some card to make it official that I was dropping all their classes. I think it was more to humiliate me than anything else. I remember I came up with something to tell each of them when they asked me why I was leaving, and the best I could do was say “I’m off to conquer the world by my own hand.”
     I don’t know what that meant, but I thought it was some kind of fitting epitaph to my school life. It felt defiant, and powerful and confident. When I got to Mr Terhune’s room, I had already said it a few times, and was starting to feel foolish. I wished I could stop saying it, but it was almost like an OCD thing at that point. He asked me what I was going to do, so I uttered my stupid phrase, and he just looked at me. He told me that he believed that I could. He wished I would stay in school, but he understood why I couldn’t. He told me that I was smart, and talented, and destined for greater things, and he took out the test from months earlier, and said I could have it to remember what I was capable of. I told him to keep it, I didn’t need it to know that, and besides, I liked that I was leaving something behind here, even if it was just a stupid story about a kid who blew up his block in a bid to see a concert.
     And then I left, and I never really looked back. It was scary and exhilarating, and besides my typing skills, the only thing I took from school that really stuck with me is what I learned from a handful of teachers who touched my life. There were others along the way. Some offered me encouragement, some went that extra mile, and even though it didn’t really pan out for me in the end, I appreciate that they tried to educate me, even when I resisted.
     My niece is a teacher now, and a really good one, and I am so proud of her. Her students love her, and she goes above and beyond when it comes to her job. It is more than a job, it is a passion, how teaching should be.
      There is a war on education in this country, and like most things that the government does that hurt the working class, it is led by Republicans. I’m not really making a political post here, but I feel I would be remiss if I didn’t point that out. Teachers are struggling, students are struggling, and that’s by design. There is money to be made in privatizing education, and putting money before students is a very bad idea. They are trying to starve the beast, and make public schools appear worse than charter schools. They are ruining our education system just to bleed more money out of us and our children.
     They are quick to cut budgets, and school taxes, because they are unpopular. Selfish people cry that they have to pay school tax when they don’t have children, which is shortsighted, and frankly, disgusting. We work for the good of all of us, and if you don’t want to contribute to the education of this country’s children, I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t have kids, and I have no problem with it.
     So here’s to teachers. I am sure everyone has a story to tell about some teacher who made a difference in their lives. For all the grief they get, they deserve a lot more praise, not to mention money. Teachers are the people molding and informing our future generations. Teachers are nearly as big a part of their life as you are. Why would we want to have them struggling and hamstrung? Give them what they need to teach better. Support them, vote for bigger budgets and better conditions, more equipment and smaller class sizes. Investing in teachers is investing in ourselves and our children, our country and our future.
     And this is coming from someone who hated school and dropped out. I wish I hadn’t, but there are problems with our education system, like I said. But like I also said, the things that made it worthwhile for me were the teachers.

Legacy

Things 9/11 was:

A terrorist attack

A tragedy

An event that changed the way we looked at the world, and how safe we felt from that day forward.


What it was not:

A conspiracy perpetrated by our own government or some New World Order


What is was turned into:

Some weird, macabre national holiday that can be monetized and exploited

A rallying cry for casual patriots

An excuse to rob us of our freedoms, silence questions about accountability, start hugely profitable wars, and in the process create far more terrorists at home and abroad

School Days

Seeing all the posts lately about kids going back to school reminds me of when I had to go to kindergarten for the first time. Up until that day, my life was pretty good. I had a few friends, but mostly I got to hang out with my mom and watch TV and play with my toys. Life seemed pretty sweet.
Then one day my mom walked me up the block and tried to hand me off to some strangers. I was having none of that. I grabbed onto a sign or a telephone pole and clung for dear life. I cried and screamed, and eventually had to be dragged into the school, kicking and flailing away.
It was all downhill from there.
That’s when my stomach aches started. That’s when I first noticed stress and anxiety. That’s when my OCD first started to manifest. The other kids picked up on it all too, so kindergarten is where I started getting bullied and picked on and made to feel like I didn’t belong. It only got worse, because once you become that person, it’s hard to change that perception, in others or yourself.
School was never fun for me, and everyone who knows me knows all the horror stories of what I had to deal with until I finally dropped out of high school. I try not to use any of it as an excuse or a crutch, but I would be lying if I said it all didn’t leave some kind of mark on me. Every thought and decision and action is still somewhat dictated on how I felt in my school years. There are times when I still feel like I did when I was a kid in class, terrified that I was about to get picked on or brutalized. On rare occasions, I still feel panic attacks coming on in simple situations like going to the store or standing in line at the bank.
This is not to make any of you who have kids starting kindergarten nervous or frightened, most kids are pretty well adjusted these days. They have already been exposed to daycare and preschool and such. Kids today have a lot more access to activities and people and the world than some of us did back in the day.
Maybe take a little extra time though to ask how your kids are doing, and listen to what they tell you. I didn’t want to burden my parents with what was happening, because I was embarrassed and felt like a failure. It didn’t matter that I knew that my parents loved me, they were supposed to love me. As far as I knew, the other kids were being honest and telling me like it really was, that I was ugly and stupid and should go kill myself. When you’re five years old, you really can’t make those determinations for yourself.
So do your kids a favor, and make sure that they know that they are good and smart. Make sure they know you are there for them, and will protect them. Make sure that they understand that some kids are just horrible, like some adults, probably through no fault of their own, but because they are being raised in horrific conditions. When I got older, I saw that many of my bullies had alcoholic and abusive parents, and it trickled down to them, and then to me.
Be an active part of your child’s life. They will thank you for it later, trust me.

Trump after 8/21/2018

     Politics is about power. It’s about mojo and juice and momentum and timing. As long as a politician has power, and some sort of sizable base behind him, he can get away with an awful lot in Washington. There are always sharks in the water, but they usually just circle, waiting for the scent of enough blood. You don’t want to strike too soon. Even sharks have to be careful, wounded creatures can be more dangerous than healthy ones.
     And Trump is a wounded creature. Although he has weathered all the troubles that seem to pop up weekly, they are taking their toll. Hundreds of little nicks and cuts have attracted a lot of predators. Yesterday was a huge hit. The sea is turning red around him. He has been implicated in illegal activity in a court of law, and he presents himself as a president of law and order, so this is bad for him on many levels. This isn’t a situation where he can simply deny there’s anything there, or pretend nothing happened. He is still pointing out that it has nothing to do with Russia, but no one who knows anything seems to think arguing those semantics make any difference at this point.
     Make no mistake, establishment Republicans do not like Trump one bit. He is the culmination of their dalliances with the Tea Party, whom they needed to maintain control of the federal government. They hate having to deal with their white trash and evangelical constituents, but they are a necessary evil if they want to get elected. The problem with depending on an easily manipulated base is that anyone can manipulate them, and Trump is better at manipulating a mob of idiots than than the average old school GOP candidate. It takes a brashness and lack of self-consciousness that not even most sociopaths are capable of.
     So Republicans tolerate Trump, as long as he provides cover for them to raid the coffers and do the bidding of their rich and powerful masters: the billionaires and businessmen who want to turn this country into a plutocracy. They are happy to leech off of his power, and use him when it is convenient, but politicians are like rats. They will flee a sinking ship as soon as it starts taking on too much water. They always make sure to get enough distance so they don’t get dragged down with it.
Every time there is some new scandal or turmoil, they sit on the sidelines and watch to see if this is the one that will sink him. When they realize that his base is still with him and keeping him afloat, they meekly side with him as much as they can without getting his taint on them. It’s going to he hard to do that this time. Even this won’t matter much to his core base, but there are other things in play besides public opinion. The unavoidable truth is becoming clear that Trump is a serious and inept criminal, and his campaign and presidency is riddled with wrongdoing. Unforgivingly, it’s wrongdoing that can be proven.
     Today is the first day of a whole new era of the Trump presidency. He is directly implicated, and this is just the first in what will be a long litany of convictions and revelations and accusations by turncoats and co-conspirators, anxious to save their own hides. The politicians in his own party will start to turn on him, now that he is starting to show serious cracks. Because the midterm elections are coming up very soon, they need to make some important decisions. Do they want to be aligned with someone who looks more and more like a criminal and a traitor every day? They can’t win without his supporters, but they can’t win without the rest of their voters who are over this horrible Trump experiment. He may have finally tipped his scales from an asset to a liability. The problem the GOP faces is that there is no other ship to swim to as this one goes down. They have split the party in their desperation to stay in office, and while they will still try all their dirty tricks like voter suppression and redistricting, floods of Super PAC money and attack ads, they may have damaged themselves too much to avoid the much talked about “blue wave”.
     Most likely, the GOP will grab everything they can between now and November, trying more ad more outrageous stunts like changing state constitutions. Most of them with any sense will be dropping out of their races and taking consultant jobs, or at least planning for defeat and a life after politics. They will tear themselves apart from the inside, in an orgy of cannibalism, disarray and mayhem that most people saw coming and will label karma.
     The sad thing is that the sharks in the water will be Republicans. The Democrats will do exactly what Democrats do, which is stand weakly by, immobilized by fear and indecision. Already they are privately talking about avoiding subjects like impeachment because they are afraid of riling up Trump’s base in November. Democrats do not play offense. They don’t even play effective defense most of the time. They just wait for the opposition to screw up, and hope everyone else sees it without them having to point it out and appear impolite. They saw what happened to Hillary every time she appeared strong or decisive or too aloof to play the subordinate. She got demonized and attacked, and voters in her own party came to see her exactly as the Republican narrative portrayed her. Democratic politicians are afraid of their sensitive, unreasonable and easily outraged constituents as well.
     So they get very little done, and they are afraid to commit to any position. They have the majority on their side, and a clear advantage with young voters, but like most people over 50, they have no clue how to relate to and energize their young base. So they stall and freeze in inaction, and waste the power and momentum they have in their camp. Obama was one of the few who knew how to energize the party, and even he was falling afoul of some of them in the end.
     Regardless of all the Republican scheming and Democrat incompetence, Trump is most likely entering his death spiral. He has been primed to plummet since his ill advised Putin meeting, and it’s only going to get worse. You can see that he is finally figuring that out too. In poker, you look for tells to see how strong your opponent is. Some players are really good at hiding them, and some give everything away with a finger twitch or eye movement. Trump is all tells. When he is confident and believes he can bluff his way through yet another catastrophe, he takes to Twitter and unleashes a barrage of insults and wild claims. He was conspicuously silent in the wee hours of this morning, offering a few quiet, restrained tweets. I’m sure that is also the product of his lawyers and handlers trying to keep him in check, but they haven’t really stopped him in the past. No, he’s worried now. It is finally starting to sink in how serious this is and what wrath defrauding and lying to the government brings.
     It’s only going to get worse from here. His options shrank even more overnight. There is no way he can fire Mueller now. He will incur the wrath of the nation, and the people in his own party. Of course, he is just stupid and crazy enough to try, but that will be his death knell. He might want to pardon Manafort, but it will not look good at all. Presidential pardons used on people who worked on your campaign, a campaign under intense scrutiny right now, won’t go over well. Trump has had controversies and troubles all his life, but those occurred in the business world, where treachery and immorality is expected. There is very little justice in the financial sector when you screw over a bunch of contractors or deals with the city or when you bilk the working class. It’s only when you hurt your own kind,the other billionaires in the club that you get punished.
     Now Trump is in the arena of constitutional law and the intelligence community tasked with rooting out corruption. He is not part of that club. He is fresh meat, and a lot of people will be making their names on taking him down. These are people who have dedicated their lives to upholding the principles this country is based on and supposedly stand for. They are more powerful than most people realize, and more focused, and possessing more integrity than most of us can even relate to. The wheels of justice turn slowly, but now Trump is firmly caught up in them, and they are starting to grind.
     I see a lot of parallels to the sixties: civil rights turmoil, a country deeply divided along political lines, a Republican administration in the White House that ultimately culminated in the president resigning in disgrace. We might be arriving at that very same place. We are entering a brave new world, but like always, one that seems oddly familiar to those who pay attention ....

Let Us Prey

I still hear people sticking up for the Catholic Church, and saying things like "you can't blame the whole church for a few bad priests". Here's the thing about that. Serial pedophiles are like serial killers. They are sick, and have severe mental problems going on. It's in no way excusing their actions, but there is obviously something really wrong with the wiring in their brains. They are delusional and missing a lot of the things we take for granted. Empathy, an understanding of actions having consequences, a real grasp on good and evil and any kind of control of their impulses. Like I said, not an excuse, but they are not working with the same tools we are. They are monsters, but monsters with actual documented conditions and issues.
The real monsters are the higher ups in the church who cover this behavior up. They deny victims trauma, they move priests around to enable them to continue to abuse children, and these leaders are not suffering from mental illness. They are not confused or deranged or at the mercy of any chemical imbalance or psychosis. They are simply destroying lives and protecting pedophiles because of an organization and the money they haul in. They are putting church and power and money before people, pretty much the exact opposite of anything the bible tells them to do.
That makes it so much worse than what pedophile priests are doing. These supposed men of God, pillars of the community, righteous and pious leaders, are running a pedophile ring. It's a conscious decision on their part, unclouded by sickness or insanity. They are failing the children, they are failing their own priests who should be getting help or institutionalized, they are failing the community, and they are failing the God that they took a sacred oath to serve.
So I don't really think that the Catholic Church is horrible because some sick individuals have infiltrated their ranks. Pedophiles turn up in all kinds of places. I think that the Catholic Church is horrible because its leaders, people who are supposed to know better, and are entrusted to be morally superior, are apparently okay with letting our children be molested. By their actions they are condoning it. They are saying that the church is more important than it's flock, that children are expendable, that it is better that your children be sexually assaulted rather than any problems arise for the religion.
The monsters are the people providing a safe place for the pedophiles. The monsters are the ones with no problem throwing the children to the wolves, not the wolves themselves. There will always be wolves, the whole purpose of church leaders is to protect the flock from them, not sacrifice them.

Games Of Chance

I often talk about how I'm pretty much of a nihilist, and not just in the funny meme way. I truly see the absurdity in everything, and I realize how very little of the things we get invested in actually matter. I observe, I get mad, or a twinge of annoyance at times, then I chuckle to myself and go on my way. I sleep well at night, and I make jokes all day.
There is no better example of the absurdity and futility than politics. It's not for the faint of heart. It's infuriating, it's awash in lies and deceit, it's corrupt and rigged, and it will almost always break your heart.
That's why political junkies are so into it. There's so much risk and little reward in getting invested in it, and the excitement in gambling is always the risk. Real gamblers don’t really care that much about the prize, they just lose all again as soon as they can. Like gambling, there are a lot more casual political junkies than real, full blown addicts. That's why the media has been able to sell it to us as entertainment. That's why people who have very little understanding of the process are now involved in it, because it seems exciting and fun and gives them a sense of purpose or participation.
That's where casinos make the bulk of their money. On casual gamblers, people who have no idea about odds, or about winning percentages. People who think they are winning when they only lose the couple of hundred they expected to lose when they walked in, and even justify it when they lose twice that much and consider themselves lucky. How do you explain to someone that's happy to lose that they are aligning themselves with tyrants and thieves who don't have their best interests at heart?
You can't. They aren't in it to win, they are in it because it's been sold to them as something exciting and sexy. It appeals to their baser instincts, and logic and reason have no place there. You have to keep up that appearance too, so you create turmoil and controversy to make it seem new every week. The same way the casino keeps coming out with new slot machines, or the lottery keeps changing the scratch off themes, when it's essentially the same game every time. It's the same exact thing in a different wrapper, and if that doesn't sum up politics, I don't know what does.
It's unfortunate that so many people have to suffer and die while all these games play out right in front of us. We all scream how poverty and corruption and people dying with no healthcare and children in cages is unacceptable. The fact is, all that and so much more obviously is acceptable. It still goes on, every minute of every day. We accepted it a very long time ago, and politics make us feel like we are doing something about it.
The people on the right feel vindicated now, and the pendulum is swinging again, and soon enough this administration will be charged and get what's coming to them. It's not going to be jail and firing squads, though, not for the real power players. It will be impeachment and censure at best, just one more way politics will break your heart. There are no real consequences for the truly rich and powerful, not like for you and me. Sure there will be a few token sacrifices, but that’s soldiers are for.
In four years the country will be back to a liberal majority running the government, but what is really going to change? Real social change happens regardless of politics. Politicians go the way the wind blows, not the other way around. No politician has ever passed a bill about civil rights or abortion or any other delicate social issue because they wanted to. They see those issues as a tool, and they act according to what best serves them, but we think that they are serving us.
The whole point is that most of what the people who casually follow politics sees is pointless. They see outrage and hyperbole, and what infuriated or made them happy this week is forgotten with the next news cycle. That's all by design, and it's pretty much automatic these days. I don't think half of the people in office even realize what they're doing, they are just conditioned to play a game they don't even fully comprehend.
That's why it's so absurd, and that's why most of it doesn't matter, and that's why the few things that really matter never change. Most of us are in the casino, mesmerized by the flashing lights and steady din, not in the backroom where the real money and power are. As long as we're content to be thrilled by chance, and willingly lose and call it winning, nothing is really going to get better.

James Gunn

There is a conservative propagandist who got James Gunn fired this week because of some stupid jokes about rape and pedopilia he made on Twitter years ago. He’s digging up old Tweets on a bunch of people he sees as enemies of the GOP agenda, trying to get them fired as well. He was one of the main instigators in the whole stupid Pizzagate fiasco. He isn’t really offended or upset, he’s just using any method he can to attack his foes, and playing on people’s emotions to do it.
Now the jokes James Gunn made were kind of dumb, and offensive, but they were just jokes. There was no hatred or malice behind them. But whatever, Disney has a right to hire or fire whomever they want, and to protect their image. I’m not really going to die on that hill, defending a grown man who made public jokes about taboo subjects he knew would cause controversy. You live by the sword, you die by the sword, lesson learned.
What really gets me is the absurdity of how no one gets context, or how outrage trumps logic. A guy who made some off color jokes about pedophiles is now not allowed to make a goofy movie about space that includes a talking raccoon and a tree, and because of this some people feel full of righteous pride and that justice was served. Meanwhile, Subway had an actual pedophile as their spokesperson, and became aware of it and tried to hide it, but they are still selling millions of sandwiches. The Catholic Church has been reeling from a sexual abuse scandal that they enabled and tried to cover up, and is still happening, yet millions of people still belong to it. Some of those same catholics are happy that James Gunn is getting punished for jokes while giving money to a religious organization that houses pedophiles. There are still plenty of people who are incensed that Penn State got hit with sanctions and the coach that oversaw a program that enabled someone to rape children got fired and had his legacy tarnished.
We are living in a time where words seem to have more weight than the actual atrocities they are referencing. We are more concerned with jokes about these subjects than the fact that every second children are being harmed. Physically and sexually abused, bullied and tormented, murdered in class by some deranged gunman, taken from their parents at the border, the list goes on and on. We sit and argue semantics, and trade propaganda, but still nothing gets done on those fronts. Maybe the reason some people get so offended by jokes on this subject is because the jokes remind us how ineffectual we are to do anything about the real problems. People can push stuff out of their mind that they find unpleasant, and being reminded that it’s there makes them uncomfortable. Maybe going after a comedian or writer makes them feel like they are doing something, I don’t know.
Like I said, I’m not going to spend a lot of time defending a guy who made some offensive jokes, that’s not really my battle. I just think it’s hilarious that people are so easily manipulated, and how much they love drama; meanwhile truly horrendous shit goes on everyday and they somehow find a way to justify it and live with it because it’s easier that way. A lot of things in the world are this way, and I figured out a while ago that very little of it matters. More correctly, a lot of it matters at the time, but it won’t in a week or so because something else will take its place. The things that really matter are constantly protected by bullshit, and smoke and mirrors, so getting exasperated and making yourself miserable because of it is a waste of time.
It’s all one big hilarious joke, and it’s on us, so why waste a lot of time chasing dragons and tilting at windmills and getting upset? Figure out what to do to change it if you can, but don’t let it drive you crazy, and don’t let the absurdity of life take all the fun out of it. Work smart, and you can’t do that if you’re constantly agitated and losing focus on what’s important. If you obsess over it, you usually end up losing sight of what you were upset about in the first place, and you just become part of the show, and why would you want that?

Worth

Here's a little secret about life that many people don't know. If you have half a brain, if you can figure things out and have some sort of ethics, you are a hot commodity. The world literally needs people like you or it will stop working.
This planet is full of people that don't give a shit. People that don't know, and don't want to know. They skate through life, playing dumb (and sometimes not playing) so that others will do their work for them. The only effort they put into anything is to get out of putting effort into anything else.
These people tend to resent others that appear smarter or more competent than they are, so they ridicule them from an early age. Sadly, if you have half a brain and all the other stuff, you also get ridiculed by people that are above you in society because those people are insecure and feel threatened and want to keep you down.
So you end up feeling like you're not worth your true value. You work at your job, and get more and more responsibilities heaped on you because it's easier for your boss to just get you to do it then try to motivate some lout to do their own work. You feel some strange loyalty to your employer to do things right, but even more than that you can't see doing something half assed because what's the point of doing it at all then? You possess logic and empathy and a sense of duty to yourself, rare and admirable traits that often make you feel like a sucker.
You end up working harder and for less money than you're worth, because whether you realize it or not, all that shit people have been giving you all your life has done exactly what they wanted: you don't know your own worth.
Like I said, you are a hot commodity. Employers love people like you, hard workers who don't know what they are worth. Lazy employees love people like you, hard workers that do their jobs for them.
I have been that all my life, but I have never hesitated to ask for raises or promotions or whatever other perks I wanted because I figured out my own worth. I got them every single time. If you can get just a little bit of confidence going, the world is your oyster. Employers will not let you get away, and they can spot people like you when you apply for a job, so don't let them take advantage of you. They actually respect you for asking. It means something to them, you have to prove you have backbone and drive.
Demand what is fair, don't let them cow you into thinking you should be grateful for them letting you work there. You are probably doing a bunch of different jobs that aren't even in your original job description. They need you as much, if not more than you need them.
I know about this issue on both sides of the fence. I have been in management positions too, and I was pretty much told this exact thing by business owners and other people in management. Also, keep this in mind: I'm a business owner and an employer telling you this.
So demand what you’re worth, and not just at work, because no one else is going to do it for you.

Brave New World

I don't usually speculate like this, and this is pretty dark and might seem a bit dramatic, but I'm starting to wonder if in the coming months you're going to see some suicides from some big players in this whole Russian thing. It goes a lot deeper than just Trump. It's beginning to look like it's the whole GOP machine, on every level. I think some fairly powerful people are going to be tried for crimes basically amounting to treason, and I don't think most of them are walking away from it. I think everyone is getting frightened, every other day there seems to be new indictments and people rolling over. People who view themselves as patriots and true Americans would probably rather just kill themselves than be publicly humiliated and branded as traitors. Then again, they seem to have no shame or integrity, so maybe they will hang on to the bitter end and hope for a miracle. I think a lot of stuff is going to come into the light about money and government and the backroom deals and power brokers in Washington. It's not just going to be about the Russians. It's going to be interesting to see how they all handle it, because it's not going to be any fun for them at all. Now this whole thing seems to really be gaining serious momentum, and the consequences are starting to seem very real for a lot of powerful people. This country is going to be dealing with this crisis for quite a while. I don't know, I'm just starting to really get a sense of what this whole thing is going to be, and it feels very ominous. I think the next few years are going to be a real grind, with a lot to sort out and a lot of heartache and misery. I think America is going to be a very different place on the other side of it all, if not the entire world. I could be wrong, but this feels like a huge game charger, like the entire house of cards is getting ready to fall.

Self Help

Everyday, all day, I watch people struggle to do the most mundane tasks, and I just sigh and watch them do it the hard way. If there's one thing people hate more than flailing away at something it's accepting help to make their lives easier. People are weird.

These Times

Men like Donald Trump have always existed. The difference is, we had enough self esteem and awareness to laugh them out the room when they tried to govern or control us. These are different times, and the decades of dumbing the general population down and fracturing us with fear and anxiety of the unknown is finally paying off for despots and tyrants. There are enough people now that have no grasp on reality and no tools to figure out that they are being manipulated. When you are an abused child, kept in the dark and only fed information your captors want you to have, you think that it's normal and everyone else is a crazy deluded victim. A good third of this country has been gaslighted, and they don't even know it. I think we have saved any of the ones that can be saved. The rest need the equivalent of being committed and deprogrammed, and I don't know if we have the time and resources to do it. Like any other delusional person struggling with addiction or severe mental issues brought on by years of abuse, you're not a trained professional, and you're just going to end up enabling these people, or yelling at them in frustration. That's why more and more, we're all arriving at the conclusion to cut them out of our lives. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. People try to make you feel bad for doing it, but eventually it becomes a matter of survival. It's called tough love. When someone resists everything you do to help them, you have no choice but to let them hit rock bottom. Maybe they'll finally recognize that they need help, and reach out. Heartbroken parents do it to children out of necessity, but I'm supposed to feel bad because I unfriend someone on Facebook? Get a little perspective.

How It Is

I know how it is. I really do. Trust me.
I know that a lot of the time life makes no sense, and the people you love and the people you trust let you down. Over and over. It hurts, and it’s confusing, and it seems to have no rhyme or reason, and maybe it doesn’t. You think maybe you deserve it, or maybe you can fix it, or that maybe you are keeping the world spinning round by sheer force of will. I also know that when it happens, or even sometimes when life is just going along fine, that you can feel like you’re about to be overwhelmed and lose it all. Like there’s only a thin line between an anxiety attack or even a complete mental breakdown. It’s like that collapse is just there waiting for you, sitting over there in the corner, and you have to go about your life so carefully, ensuring that you don’t accidently make eye contact with it. Because if you do, and you lock eyes with all the things you fear, all the worries your mind has been whispering to you all these years, it will all fall apart. This whole house of cards you have been propping up all these years, stitched back together time and time again. You are always one wayward glance away from being knocked off the tightrope.
Thing is, there is no tightrope. You’re firmly on the ground. The tightrope is in your mind, the feeling that you are holding the world together is an illusion, created in your subconscious so you have some feeling of control over things that cannot be controlled. Almost none of the worry and effort you put into the puppeteering and the balancing act matters in the least. In the end people will do what they want, and time and gravity will take care of the rest. I realize all of this and I play the same game you do, wasting my energy, my time, my love, my own sanity to try to keep walking the rope and avoiding the fall. Anything, so I don’t have to look it in the eye and have it tear me and my whole world apart. We are safe, if we only allow ourselves to accept that fact, but we can’t. To accept it would mean we would have to look it in the eye, and that is too much to ask. We have nothing to fear but fear, yet we are all terrified.
I know how it is. I really do.

O Brother, Where Art Thou?

My brother and I used to fight like cats and dogs when we were younger. That’s not really true, cats and dogs usually have much better relationships than we had. There were many times when we actually hated each other. I can remember when we had to walk to church on Sunday morning, and we would actually walk on opposite sides of the street. There are a million stories we both could tell about the horrible things we did to each other, and I don’t think either of us are proud of any of it.
There was a six year age difference between us, and I think that had a lot to do with it. In a lot of ways I looked up to my older brother, and I wanted to be like him, but I was also the baby and I got used to the attention. I would often play to that, sometimes at his expense. I think he resented that, and who wouldn’t at that age? So it carried on as we got older, and we were never really as close as we should have been because we were both too preoccupied or selfish, or in some imaginary competition to ever try to be the bigger person.
A few decades ago, my brother moved to North Carolina, and our relationship started to get better. I know a lot of people will attribute that to distance, but that’s not it at all. We both got older, and our interests kind of caught up with each other. There is a huge difference between a 15 year old and a 21 year old, not so much between a 25 year old and a 31 year old. We also matured, and both did some work on personal growth, and learned how to put a little effort into our relationship.
The end result is that I know consider my brother one of my favorite people and one of my best friends. We talk nearly everyday, and there’s few people in this world that I am closer to. In fact, him living in North Carolina sucks, because at least once a week one of us wishes we lived closer so we could hang out together. My brother taught me a lot about enjoying the moment and being positive. He helped form who I am by setting an example as an older brother, albeit later in life rather than when I was very young. Even when we were young, I did admire him and he did impart his love of music and movies and art to me, but we have had a much bigger impact on each other’s lives nowadays.
The whole reason I am even thinking about any of this is because he has been on vacation in Alaska this past week, and I rarely go this long without talking to him. I find myself wishing once again that we lived closer and could meet for lunch today so he can tell me all about his trip, and I can catch him up on everything he missed in my life.
So if you’re younger, and you have an unhealthy relationship with one of your siblings, take heart, because it will probably get better. If you are older, and you are holding silly grudges about shit that happened when you were kids, maybe let that go and re-introduce yourselves to each other. You are not the same people anymore. At least you shouldn’t be. If that’s the case, you have bigger problems than thinking your brother or sister is an asshole.
Life is too short, and if we had continued to be the same stubborn and stunted people when it came to each other, we both would have missed out on one of the best friendships either of us have.

Caves And Kids

Apparently, there are some Thai kids trapped in a cave. I'm all full of caring and empathy and all that, but I honestly don't really care beyond hoping things work out for the best. I hate to sound like the cynical guy, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not that important. I never understood why people get all invested when a kid falls down a well or in sordid murder trials. And yeah, it's the same thing. Thousands of kids starve to death, or get killed in wars and genocide. There are situations hurting kids and millions of people caused by bad government policy in this country and all over the world, that you could actually do something about with something as simple as a petition or a phone call, which would take the same amount of time you spend pretending you are somehow part of a mine rescue. It's kind of narcissistic and sad. We waste our time getting caught up in the voyeuristic drama of tiny, isolated things, and we miss the big picture. It's creepy entertainment. So like I said, I hope things work out for everyone involved, but it doesn't affect my life or the life of anyone else I know in the least, and talking about it and pretending I'm somehow involved would just be an ego thing, not actually helping or making a difference. But there are situations where we all can make a difference and help, we should invest the time and energy there.