2019

Just because a bunch of people died since 2019 started doesn't really mean anything, it's just the way the numbers fall sometimes. It's okay to joke around and talk about harbingers of doom and how the year is going downhill fast, but it does really affect some people harder than others when everyone points out the bad stuff.
Now, I'm not going to stop making nihilistic jokes, and people aren't going to stop being dramatic and looking for signs of doom wherever they can, but keep in mind that it doesn't really mean anything. There is good crap and bad crap that happens every year, and the good outweighs the bad almost all of the time. We just tend to focus on the bad, and some people can't help but focus on it even more than usual.
Try not to look ahead for trouble. I have tons of foresight, and see quite a few things that I'm going to have to deal with in the near future that are not going to be any fun at all. Some of it worries me. Some of it frightens me. Some of it might break me, but I doubt it. I've gotten this far. I've taught myself to keep it in sight, but not to fixate on it. Just because I know some things might not work out the way I want, and some loss and heartbreak is inevitable, what good will it do me to poison the time up until then with dread and worry?
Live your life on the positive side. If you don't have a lot of positives in your life, try to change that. If you do have a lot of positives in your life, but can't seem to notice them or let them help you be happy, definitely talk to someone and change that. Depression is a very serious thing, and I hate to think that any of my stupid dark humor is affecting anyone negatively, but joking about it is how I get by.
I really hate to think that anyone is suffering from depression alone and thinking that there is no hope or help available, because there is. I know plenty of people who suffer from varying degrees of depression and have gotten help. They deal with it, either with meds, or therapy, or in other ways. One of worst things about depression is it makes you think you have no options, and you have to find some way to power through that. It isn't easy, but it is possible.
It is really hard to do without support, and unfortunately depression can isolate you. I am here to tell you that people do care, and are willing to listen and to help. You just have to choose the right people. The thing you have to keep in mind is that people will get frustrated if you just want someone to commiserate all the time without actually doing anything to help yourself. It sounds harsh, but even though people are generally kind and supportive, it gets overwhelming trying to help someone who doesn't seem to want to help themselves. That's not your fault, but it is a hindrance.
In the end, people can support you, but you have to do the heavy lifting. Other people aren't going to fix you, you have to fix yourself, but they can be there and help you to do that. Decent people will always want to help, and there are plenty of decent people out there.
One of the reasons we fail at times is because we keep expecting the people who have already shown us that they don't care to suddenly turn into someone they're not. Some of the very people who have put us in the bad situation we are in are the people we keep looking at to make it right. That's a trap, and you have to find a way to break free and let it go, or you will doom yourself to a repetitive cycle that gets harder to break every time.
So this ended up getting much heavier than I wanted, but the point is, don't let bad jokes and melodrama ruin your day, your year, or your life. If you take a lot of the stuff I joke around about on here at face value, you might think I spend half the day with my head in a noose. It's quite the opposite, in fact. There are a number of people who depend on me to keep them afloat at times, and I don't shirk that duty. I could list a ton of things in this world that make me happy and that I am looking forward to at any time.
I could also list a whole bunch of things that I am dreading and that might devastate me, but I will deal with them in good time. I am not going to live my life in fear and anxiety all the time. I am not going to just throw up my hands and say that we're doomed. I might joke about it on a daily basis, but trust me, I will persevere somehow, and if you find yourself needing a hand from time to time, I will drag you along with me.
So fuck 2019 and all the shit it might bring, I know it's going to bring a lot more joy and life and happiness. I expect the future to be better, and I always will.