I guess it's nitpicking, but as football season starts, I see a ton of sports fans going on about particular fans of certain teams. Most of it is done in a humorous way, and it's just part of the whole sports thing. Honestly though, one of the things that annoys me most about sports in general is that you get stuck in some sort of club with a bunch of douchebags just because you like the same team.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been out in public in my Mets shirt and had total strangers just start talking to me because they like the Mets as well. It’s not that I’m anit-social or anything, but if I wanted to hang out with other Mets fans I would have gone to a Mets game more than the one time I went just before they tore down Shea Stadium. I figure I have at least another 30 years to see a game at Citifield.
Sports fans love to think that everyone is a kindred spirit, or some soldier in the same army, supporting their team by drinking in a parking lot, shouting homophobic slurs at each other, and generally being assholes about it whenever their team loses. Or wins, for that matter. Fans of every team act like dicks almost all the time. They love to bust balls, they love to gloat, they just love to be douchebags most of the time. That’s why it’s so nice when I see someone else in a Mets or a Cowboys jersey, and they just nod or smile and continue on their way. It's sort of like religious types, the best churchgoers are the ones who never talk about it.
The thing is, it’s not other fans of the Mets or Cowboys that accost me in public when they see me. It’s fans of other teams, who think it’s perfectly acceptable to give a total stranger shit in the grocery store or at the gas station because you’re wearing the shirt of one of their rivals. I have had people curse me out in broad daylight, or hassle me while minding my own business in a bar or restaurant or at the movies.
People seem to love being connected to something bigger. They talk about their team winning like they had something to do with it. They always use “we” when they mean “they.” “We got a really big win today!” “We really picked it up in the second half and came back!” “We just didn’t have what it takes today.” Newsflash: You weren’t out on the field scoring touchdowns or tackling anyone. You could have dropped dead at halftime, and it would have had no effect on the team whatsoever, even if you had a season ticket in a luxury box. Those things are paid upfront.
My point here is that I really don’t want to be identified as a “Mets fan”, a “Cowboys fan”, or a fan of whatever team I like to root for. It’s probably the least identifying thing about me, and it’s way down on my list of things I really care about, especially as I get older. Sports fans don’t really have the best image anyway, so I’m not too boisterous about it because it’s not really a club I’m proud to belong to. Sure, most sports fans aren’t the dumb fucks you read about all the time, destroying their TV’s or beating their wives after a loss, or destroying their cities after a win. It’s like most things, you hear about the loudmouths and assholes more than the average, calm and grown up fans.
But every team has a faction of assholes that follow them. I’m not a tribe kind of guy. I’m not a conformity type of guy. I’m not a uniform kind of guy. I don’t like Superbowl parties, I don’t like watching games in a sports bar, I don’t like bonding over them. I just like to watch them in the comfort of my own home, by myself. I still get excited during the games. I have been known to yell or curse or cheer while my rabbit looks at me like I’m nuts, but just like I have no actual effect on the team or the outcome of the game, it has very little effect on me. If my team misses the playoffs, I say to myself “that sucks.” If my team wins the Superbowl, I say to myself, “that was cool.” Then I go on with my life. I realize that I haven’t accomplished or failed at anything, I just watched a team I root for participate in some weird, made-up game with arbitrary rules and a certain amount of luck built in, and I don’t bother with all the manufactured drama that comes along with it.
I’m not trying to put any sports fans down; like I said, most of them are fine. Nearly all my friends are sports fans, and I don’t really have a problem with any of them, I just don’t get how serious some people get over it. Maybe I’m the weirdo here, but I like being the weirdo most of the time. Which is why I don’t want to be known as a Cowboys or Mets fan. I have my own identity, and I like it.
So if you see me out wearing a team shirt, just leave me out of whatever it is you feel you need to do or say. Nod or give me a thumbs up or down if you really can’t contain yourself, but otherwise, just keep moving. I’m not really going to share your enthusiasm, and I’m certainly grumpy enough most days to tell you to go fuck yourself if you hassle me about a t-shirt. Now excuse me while I go check on my fantasy football league.
Just kidding! If you ever see me bothering with fantasy leagues, please shoot me right through the heart. It’s the point right in the middle of the “t” on my Mets shirt.
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