I am still friends with most of the women I’ve dated. They value our friendship, and I do as well. I have always regarded women as more than just an object, something you throw away when you are done with them. Just because the romantic part of the relationship didn’t work out, there was still a lot of other stuff that neither of us wants to throw away.
Now there were times when I was involved in some serious, long term relationships with women who were manipulative and even cruel. They did some horrible things to me. The last long term relationship I had ended very badly. She had some pretty severe mental health issues that she refused to address. Family members, friends, doctors, psychiatrists, and the police(!) would tell her all the time that she needed help, most doctors recommending 30 day inpatient treatment to start. She got worse and worse, and it nearly ruined me in the process. I couldn’t help her, I couldn’t save her, and I am still recovering emotionally and financially. Some of the things this women did to me are straight out of the most sensational and crazy soap operas you can think of. I didn’t think some of it was even possible.
Thing is, a lot of her problems were caused or exacerbated by the shitty things men did to her. In fact, most of the “psycho bitches” men like to cry about are pretty damaged by the men in their lives. Their fathers who weren’t there for them, or like other family members abused them, the men they dated who beat them or used them, the list is long and heartbreaking. The way women are treated in society is appalling.
None of that is meant to excuse all of their shitty behavior, but it certainly makes it easier to understand. I am still friends with most of those women as well. The only ones not in my life were the really abusive ones who really don’t possess the capacity to care about anyone, and who might pose a danger to me. There are a few who are still in my life, and are so damaged that they would take advantage of me if I put myself in a situation where they could, so I just don’t. I can still care about them, though, and still be a shoulder to cry on. Some of them don’t have that anywhere else in their life, so who am I to take that away from them?
I have no romantic or physical relationship with any of them. That’s not why they want me in their life. I am a true friend, and I’ve found that a lot of women don’t have many really close friends that they can trust and confide in, so they hold onto me. I always laugh, because some of them will tell me that I’m the girlfriend they always wished they had!
Now, the reason I am telling you all of this stuff that you could probably care less about, is that no matter what horrible experiences I have had, I don’t hate any of them. I don’t hate women. I don’t think that they are evil or horrible or insane. The ones who decided they just weren’t into my anymore, I just had to accept that. Usually not at first. I would try to convince them otherwise, sometimes I even begged them not to leave me. It seemed completely out of the blue at the time, and some of them had even started seeing someone else behind my back before they broke up with me. That’s pretty shitty, I’ll give you that, but it happens all the time. People are just that way.
I didn’t stalk them though, or threaten them, or call them names. After the initial shock, I have always understood that there is no point whatsoever in trying to chase someone who has made up their mind that they don’t want to be with you, and I move on. There is a little satisfaction in the fact that months or years later, most of the women who have done that have apologized, and told me how bad they feel about it. I usually just laugh and tell them not to worry about it, I survived. I don’t hold grudges.
Meanwhile, I see all these bitter and angry guys who hate women because someone hurt them once. They hate women, because no women want to date selfish, miserable jerks who sit around and blame the world for their problems. They hate women mostly because they are afraid of them, and they would rather control or abuse them than just try to be their allies. I see so much misogynist crap everywhere, and it pisses me off and breaks my heart that so many men are that fucked up. Not so much for the men, they have every chance and opportunity to change and break the cycle of thinking that has caused so much harm. Most of them haven’t really suffered at all, not in the way an abused woman has. A lot of men are just big babies, entitled and expecting a woman to give herself to them, simply because they asked.
I don’t let women off the hook completely just because they were treated badly either. Honestly, most every woman I know has been treated badly, and had to endure a lot of terrible things all through their life. Most of them have the tools and support to handle it, and they don’t let it break them. Some of them have some amazing inner strength inside them that just astounds me.
Some just don’t have that. They can’t cope with it, and it sends them into a downward spiral, sometimes for the rest of their lives. I admire the ones who have overcome the shit they have had handed to them, and the shit they still have handed to them everyday. I even admire the ones who are completely destroyed by it all and who have hurt me, because they still manage to get up every day and keep trying, even though they suffer with PTSD and anxiety and depression, and to them the world is a terrifying and confusing place. They tried really hard with me, but in the end, they couldn’t fight who they are because they never did the work, or overcame all the pain and resentment and anger. It might seem like they are just villains, but I see who they are and know what they have been through. There really aren’t many true villains in the world, just sick and broken people. There are also plenty of predators out there that are very good at spotting vulnerabilities and damaged people, and they don’t hesitate to take advantage, so many of these poor women don’t stand a chance.
So when I see men spouting off about men’s rights, or psycho chicks, or complaining that women don’t want to be their whore or their mommy, I get livid. It’s that kind of attitude that helped damage some people I care very much about. It also leads to the things that keep women from reporting rape and abuse, and coming forward to accuse manipulators and narcissists who take advantage of their position or power. So I call out these losers and douchebags, because that’s what society should be doing. You would certainly call out someone on social media saying children somehow deserve the abuse they receive. You would call out a racist or an animal abuser as well, so why not someone who is shitty and abusive to women? Why are misogynists just glossed over by most people? Why are so many excuses made for the men who abuse and harass and are demeaning to women?
Saying these horrible things to and about women is also triggering to women who have suffered abuse. They either have no empathy or awareness to realize that they are shitting all over someone else’s pain, or worse, they know exactly what they are doing. There is a portion of the male population that loves attacking and demeaning or scaring women on the internet. They threaten, mock, and in some cases give out their personal info so more of these misogynist creeps can attack them directly. I even have my reservations about posting positive stuff that supports women like this because it can trigger abuse victims, even if it’s sticking up for them. It’s a very delicate and personal matter.
99% of the time, women break men’s hearts, but men will destroy women’s lives. Men take rejection worse than women take sexual, physical and emotional abuse. There is usually no punishment for the things men do to women as well, or very little, in relation to the crime. Every day you see some case where the star athlete or the rich guy, or even just some plain schmoe gets a slap on the wrist for rape and abuse. Then men and some women complain about the poor men whose lives might get ruined for some “mistake” or “indiscretion”, not caring at all about the women whose lives are ruined.
So anyway, my point is that after some 38 years of failed relationships, I don’t hate women. I don’t see them as the enemy. I’m not afraid of them, or want to control them. I’m not patting myself on the back, or trying to look like a hero so I can get laid. That’s another tactic abusive jerks use, accuse men of “white knighting” so they are afraid to support women as well. I just want to point out that if I can survive the horrible things that women have done to me without being bitter and scarred, and resentful of an entire gender, why can’t the rest of the men manage that? Until you do, I’m going to keep calling you out, because someone has to.
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