I want to go somewhere that's so dark that I can sit under the stars and see the Milky Way like I did when I was a child. I remember it most vividly on a trip to Arizona around 1970. I want to see the Milky Way again. 

I want spend one night with my family again. Just my parents and my brother, just for one night. My immediate family survived a lot of shit together, and it made us extremely close. While I love all my extended family and my friends and all, I will still never forget what it was like in Texas in 1977, sitting at our dining room table playing cards, because we were in a new place where we didn't belong and all we had was each other and the good times around that table. 

I want to sit with all my pets that have gone on, just one more time, and tell them what good babies they are and how much joy and happiness they have brought me and bury my face in their fur and hold them close just one last time. 

Similarly, I want to see my friends and family that have passed, just once more, to selfishly enjoy their company and relive the things that made them special to me. Just to hear their voice again, and to get whatever special, unique thing from them that I can't get from anyone else. 

I want to be in love the way it is meant to be. The way it is in the beginning, when you can't wait to see them and you melt from across the room or at the sound of their voice. The way it is before all the old fears and the thoughts of what others have done ruin it, and create walls and traps and sharp edges. I want the feeling that only pure, true love can bring you. 

I want to relax, to feel calm and safe and carefree one more time before I die. I'm afraid that nothing, no drug, no material thing, no theology, no self help book will ever get that back for me. The longer you live, the more responsibility and worry you accumulate, the more you need to plan and then have contingency plans for when those plans don't work. I want to feel the way I felt as a child, dozing in the back seat of the car at night, while your parents drove home and all you could see out the window were the stars and the occasional streetlight, and you felt safe and warm and like you were going home, because that's exactly what you were. 

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I want to feel the way I know I'm supposed to feel, but can't ever quite get there. I want to live without constantly searching my physical self for flaws and imperfections, and judging myself against impossible expectations. I want to be accepted and forgiven and loved for what I am, or maybe at least recognize that I already am and shut that part of my brain up that tells me I'm hideous and failing everyone in my life on a constant basis. 

I want to just once feel like I belong somewhere, that I fit in, that I'm not alone. That's the worst thing. Feeling like no one really understands you and never will. Feeling like you are the only one that thinks and feels the way that you do, and that you're never part of something bigger. Not like you're a stranger in a strange land, different from everyone else and unconnected, adrift in lifeless sea, with no sight of land. 

Just one more time I want to feel like I'm home again, whatever that might be.

Alabma

Alabama, where democrats never win. Alabama, where the Republicans played all their usual games: scare tactics, hate speech, lies, gerrymandering, voter suppression. The Alabama Supreme Court even ruled against a motion to preserve the voting records in case there needed to be a recount. It’s Alabama, about the most backwards, red state that there is, where 650,436 people thought it was in their best interests to vote for a pedophile, not to mention probably the most stupid, outdated, wrong thinking moron there is, next to the president. 
You have to have faith in people. I know that’s hard, but in the end, most people will do the right thing(even by a small margin, but again, we’re talking about Alabama here). The country will right itself, little by little. That doesn’t mean sit back and take it easy though, it means work even harder and build on this victory. Keep the anger burning and keep pressuring those in power, keep working to get people to understand what’s at stake and to get out and vote. Keep doing whatever it takes to hold these horrible people in power in check until we take the country back from those looking to pervert and destroy it. 
The point is, Alabama still managed to overcome all the odds and do something pretty amazing. They rebuked the Republican party and their message, they rebuked the president, they rebuked a century of tradition. Alabama. 
Now the rest of us have no excuse.

I guess I'm a militant feminist

Nothing makes me want to puke more than women sticking up for men that harrass or abuse women. It's like Jews for Hitler. What even motivates a woman to have to try to stick up for men when the discussion is about horrible shit men do? Good job, you're brainwashed into automatically helping out the enemy.  God, we men have really done a job on women. I'm sorry so many of us suck so much, I really am. Don't defend us, don't make excuses for us, don't question your fellow women and make them feel ashamed for standing up for themselves. If we're innocent, we have nothing to fear and could care less about having someone validate us, especially at the expense of someone who has been victimized. The day I cry or whine because I feel persecuted for horrible shit other men have done is the day you can take me out back and put a fucking bullet in my head. I'd rather be dead than be an entitled little douchebag who has his feelings hurt. So thanks for defending us "good guys", but no thanks. I'm a real man, I know who I am and I know it takes strength and character to put others first, and I'm proud of the fact that I know better. I can take care of myself when there's people who need real help and support.  So help and support them and stop worrying about men's feelings and rights. Trust me, as a man I can tell you, we have it pretty fucking easy.

Al Franken

Okay, I didn't feel like writing all this, but here's the bottom line: Al Franken had to resign. I don't care how much you liked him, I don't care how you think we need him on our side in the war, I don't care if you think it's dirty tricks by Republicans. 
At this point, a lot of women have come forward claiming he groped them. At first I thought they might be making something out of nothing, or misinterpreting it. Now it's too many women, most of them lifelong Democrats and liberals that loved Al too. A lot of them seem conflicted, like they are hurting their own cause by coming forward. And what are they getting for their trouble?
A bunch of "liberals" questioning their stories and crying foul and conspiracy. Exactly the way you claim Republicans act. And you wonder why women are afraid to come forward. Liberals sticking up for the man, claiming that even if true, his transgressions don't merit him resigning, saying he shouldn't be punished simply because he's on our side. If you think the Republicans are setting us up to weaken our position, you are doing their work for them. You are making us look like hypocrites, mimicking their horrible behavior.
Al Franken realizes this, and he is stepping down so as not to damage the party any more than he already has. If you like and respect him so much, why can't you appreciate and support his decision?
What really bothers me is how quickly so many of you are willing to throw away your moral convictions. You claim that we need to get in the trenches with the Republicans and beat them at their own game. You claim Democrats are weak for giving in, and even calling some of your own camp "snowflakes" or "FemiNazis", using the right's sickening terminology on your own side. That is setting yourself up to lose.
True strength comes from holding tight to your convictions, no matter what the cost. If it is right, it is right, that's all there is too it. Does that make it a little scary, to give up such an important piece as Al Franken seemed to be? Well, if you want to talk about being scared, be the liberal woman who has to be brave enough to not only tell their story and fear reprisal by the right, but have her own people turn on her. The people that are supposed to support women who come forward. I guess that nobility only applies when they are coming out against people you don't like.
Sticking to your guns when it hurts you is the true test of your moral fiber. Martin Luther King didn't resort to his enemies tactics, and look what he accomplished. That's why there are so few heroes in the world. That's why change is so hard to achieve. You have to have real courage and real strength, even when it frightens you, even when it might weaken your side for a moment. You have to have faith that you will be stronger in the end for remaining true to yourself and your message.
The Republicans aren't making us look bad, we are.

Some things I know and you can't tell me different:

Everyone has something unique and amazing about them. Everyone.

Most people will never discover that thing or will be made to feel bad about it by others that are jealous that haven't discovered their own unique and amazing thing.

Some people’s amazing and unique thing is to harm others and make them feel bad.

Drug addicts that never get help will always choose drugs first.

You are most likely not made of drugs, so you will never be happy if you love a drug addict.

Lonely people eat a lot of pizza.

Eating pizza alone just makes it worse.

If you’re lonely and lactose intolerant, you have a problem.

Karma is not a bitch. Life's a bitch sometimes, and sometimes it is not. It is completely arbitrary. If karma was a real thing there wouldn’t be so many horrible people living perfectly fine, happy lives. They would all be struck down by karma.

The thing we confuse for karma is that many horrible people do lead miserable lives and sometimes fuck themselves over, but that is their own doing. They sometimes go to jail, or the people they love leave them, or they end up alone and hated, but that is not some mystical force, it is just people’s shitty behavior biting them in the ass. Just as many really good people are miserable too. Why isn’t karma helping them?

“Karma’s a bitch” is probably about as far away as the original concept of karma as you can get. “Karma’s a bitch” is just another lame Americanization of some other culture, like the croissan’wich.

There are no moral absolutes. I mean there are, but I don’t think you can adhere to any of them and survive in the world.

I still try to maintain moral absolutes, and I have a real hard time surviving in the world.

Many people that should have a higher opinion of themselves do not.

Many people that should not have such a high opinion of themselves do.

Some of the things I know are merely my opinion, not necessarily facts, and your opinions may vary. I realize this.

Many people do not realize that their opinions are not facts, and that is where most of us get into trouble. Many people’s opinions are not even their own opinions, they are just too lazy or easily manipulated into adopting other people’s opinions that go against who they really are.

A lot of people hate an awful lot of other people and things.

Most of the time when people hate things they are just jealous, or frustrated, or hurt and lashing out.

I don’t always have time to figure out everyone’s motive for their shitty behavior or the patience to try to help them get past it, and I’m sorry for that. Sadly, there are plenty of other people that should be picking up the slack on that front, but they can’t be bothered, and would rather chastise instead of listen. I’m trying my best, but I’m only one person.

I wish I could heal the world. I wish I could make everything better for everyone dealing with a lot of shit that they really shouldn’t have to deal with. It weighs heavily on me and it breaks my heart a million times a day.

I know that I can’t, because some of the world doesn’t even realize that they are broken. I can’t because even a lot of the broken people that know they are broken don’t want to face it and help themselves, so I just have to keep trying while I watch them flounder and punish themselves. It weighs heavily on me and it breaks my heart a million times a day.

I know that it is my own fault, and my own choice to take on these burdens and that most likely there will be no reward and no happy outcome, but I would rather live with the broken heart and know that I tried than to just abandon humanity and give up.

Knowing yourself makes it a lot easier to live with your actions, even if they are killing you. Knowing yourself helps, but it isn’t a cure all for everything and it often leads to more misery, but at least you know why you’re doing it. This is known as “small consolation”, but sometimes it’s the best you can hope for.

I have found that I have pretty much been able to do anything I set out to do.

Part of the secret of being able to accomplish anything you set out to do is knowing what you are capable of in the first place.

You will only know what you are capable of if you step out into the unknown sometimes and take a chance and fail.

Do not limit yourself to only doing things you are sure you will succeed at. See how weird life really is?

We are all luckier than we could ever imagine.

Knowing that, we still feel that we are all unlucky.

One of the biggest hindrances to the happiness of the human race is that we all keep things secret that everyone feels and none of us talk about. We bottle it all up and think that we are the only ones that feel a certain way or deal with certain horrors. We think that no one could love us if they knew the awful things we think and we’ve done, but we all think and do them and only by sharing this knowledge with friends and strangers alike will we ever learn to truly love and trust each other.

I will never stop writing this stuff and spilling myself all over the page because I know that it brings some small amount of comfort and solace to others, and that makes it so worthwhile. All the heartbreak and all the pain I feel is balanced by the fact that I open myself up to the world, and sometimes people open up to me and we talk and cry and share our secrets. You should try it. The reward is that there are quite a few people that tell me that I am the only one like me that they have in their lives. They cherish me, and I cherish them right back. It is worth it every single time.

If you don’t use the word “cherish” to describe anyone or anything in your life, you are really missing out. I am the luckiest person alive because I use that word to describe so many people and things that I can’t even keep track.

I still feel unlucky ....