Truly horrible people

Truly horrible people:

People who honk their horns in the fast food drive thru

Fanatical Christians

People who put ketchup on steak

People who run the GOP

People who run the NRA

Thomas Edison

Bad Tippers

People who ride bikes on roads with no shoulder



Truly wonderful people:

Dogs

On your feet or on your knees...

Everyone is entitled to their opinions, and many issues are not black and white. Often, both sides need to show tolerance and understanding, and compromise needs to be reached. We sometimes refuse to see the other side of things, or take into account the circumstances and motivating factors that lead someone to an opposing viewpoint.
That said, if you are against the players protesting by taking a knee during the national anthem at football games, you are just wrong. You have been played. And I know, telling people that they are wrong will not change their minds or make them come over to your way of thinking, but so be it. If you can't see how wrong you are already, nothing I can say will change your mind. You have been lied to, and manipulated, and you gleefully swallowed all the false indignation and arrogance. At best, there are serious racial undertones in your decision, and blatant racism in the people who led you to it.
You don't care, though. You are not self aware, you are being petty and stubborn, and you are clinging to very flimsy justifications for your disgustingly racist and unpatriotic position. The garbage you have been fed about how this protest disrespects veterans or police officers is so transparent that it is laughable. That has nothing to do with it. If you or someone you know is or was a veteran, they fought for that very right to protest. I can understand how easy it is for those lies to trigger emotional responses in you, but you can't go around reacting to base emotion and letting it cloud your judgment. These players are in no way disrespecting you or your loved ones. That's simply propaganda, designed to manipulate your feelings.If you are a cop, or know a cop, you should be outraged at all the instances where police officers kill unarmed citizens. They a are abusing their position and harming those very citizens they swore to protect.
This wacky and reactionary outrage about disrespecting a flag is ludicrous. Patriotism is not waving a flag. Patriotism is standing up for what that flag symbolizes, no matter what scorn or derision or hardship it causes you. That is what these players are doing.
If you can't see that, if you side with blind hate and mock indignation over something that really has no affect on you whatsoever, I don't know what to tell you, besides that you are dead wrong. Your life must be empty, and you must be bitter and looking for something to lash out at rather than look inward to fix it. That's all I can figure, because there is no earthly reason why it should bother you for one second whether another human being kneels or stands during a meaningless song sung at a meaningless sporting event. You are trying to take away an important tool for people of color to express themselves and right a serious wrong in this country. Sadly, that comes as no surprise, because people like you have been helping to take away minority's rights for centuries. You are the unwitting tool of powerful men who want to divide this country, who resent anyone who isn't as white or pure or rich as they are. They resent you, but you're just too willfully ignorant to see it.
The good news is, people are realizing that, and calling those in power out on their lies. There is an awakening happening, it's been happening for decades, and isn't slowing down. The internet, and people speaking their minds and pointing out injustice has accelerated it, in fact. Younger people are rejecting racism, along with a bunch of other horrible and outdated fears and oppression. People like you, who cling to backwards and antiquated ideals, are dying out. True, there will always be people like you, who can't be bothered to do a little bit of work, to understand the issues, to grow and change and evolve. There will always be people ready to join the mob, and rally against reason and enlightenment, simply because it frightens them. It is easier to chant slogans and be led by your fears and prejudices than it is to face your own demons, to blame others and find convoluted motivations to distract yourself from your own faults. But you are squarely in the minority.
The people who think like you and who manipulate you will be driven from power, a little more every year. It won't be easy. It won't happen overnight. But it will happen, mark my words. This current administration, and the wave of racism and ignorance they ushered in, has already broken, and is receding back to the filthy sea it came from. It hasn't even left a high water mark, it just fizzled out halfway up the beach. It did serve to wake up the last segment of decent people who didn't want to admit that a third of their fellow populace were racist and intolerant. But now you have all crept out into the light, and there's no denying it. You have exposed yourselves, and you will be neutralized. In the voting booth, through the justice system, and by an enlightened world that refuses to tolerate your bullshit. So you can change, or you can be ground under, the choice is yours. You might think you have won this battle, but the more you try to oppress and control people, the harder they will fight back and rebel, a simple lesson no one seems to learn. People often gloat when they win the battle, only to be shocked when they lose the war. You have the freedom to choose which side you're on, but that choice comes with consequences. Be prepared for them.

Animals

You know what always cracks me up? People are always complaining about black gangs and Latin gangs, and immigrants in gangs or whatever. They think these people are the scum of the earth, and refer to them as animals. Meanwhile, people romanticize bikers and the Mafia, even though they are as bad, if not worse than the Crips or the Bloods or whatever else there is. They are all criminals, they murder, sell drugs and pimp out women, but somehow it's the minorities and immigrants that get all the grief. In fact, most of the Italian, Irish, Russian etc gangs came about because they were immigrants that got treated like shit and had very limited options to get ahead. Trump even refers to them (Ms13 members or immigrants in general, go with however you see it) as "animals", yet I haven't seen him say derogatory things about Nazis and skinheads and other white supremacists that spew hateful shit and engage in criminal activity.
I'm not really a fan of labelling anyone as animals anyway. Are there some really terrible and sadistic psychopaths in gangs? Yes, of course, but probably at the same ratio of psychopaths in business or government. Most of the people in gangs are just like a lot of poor and disenfranchised people who deal drugs or become prostitutes or whatever. That's not saying it makes it right, but it also doesn't make them animals or any less human.
In fact, it makes them more human. Humans are fallible and prone to mistakes. Humans are likely to do what they have to, to help their families, to provide for their children. Humans want to better themselves and get ahead, and many times most of them go about it the wrong way.
So some of you will dismiss me as a bleeding heart, soft on crime or however else you want to label me, but I really don't give a shit. The world is full of criminals, and I am more worried about the ones running our government right now, to be honest. They are busy destroying the environment, the economy, and people's lives on a wholesale level. They are the real animals.

Inner Peace

Most people think that inner peace is something you arrive at through meditation and quiet reflection, and while that might help, real inner peace is first bludgeoned into us by terrible repetition and age. Then you sit quietly and relive it over and over again until you realize what you already knew. You have no control over the actions of others, or the whims of the universe, or the chance your cells might mutate and turn on you or your brain chemistry might steal who you really are. Inner peace is the acceptance that you hardly have any say in many of the things that affect your life, and you wouldn't even conceive of the concept of inner peace if your life wasn't filled with turmoil in the first place. It's that turmoil that drives any peace you might find one day, if you're very lucky and you've been paying attention.

Things I Understand

Things I understand or at least have a basic grasp of:

Evolution

Relativity

Quantum Physics

Fractal Geometry

Computers

Politics

Theology

Things I will never understand as long as I live:

The popularity of reality television

How so many people grow to resent other people simply for loving them

Music From Another Room

Things can annoy you for no reason, and I don't know why that is. Sure, we are living in tense times, but so many people, myself included, who sometimes go to the negative instantly. It's like a compulsion.
Take me, for instance. Today I woke up in a pretty good mood for a change. On the way to work, I had to stop at Staples to get a few things.
Now it's true I get a little anxiety at times when I walk into some big store and have to wander around looking for stuff. I retain some of the same impulses I had in high school, feeling out of place, feeling like people are judging me. You sometimes end up carrying your bullies with you forever. It's not some overwhelming, crippling thing(at least not most of the time), but it does put me on edge a little now and then. I didn't really feel any of that this morning.
Sometimes when I do, though, I tend to get aggravated easier, and in my mind I tend to lash out and put people down. Maybe it's a defense mechanism, find something wrong with them to make me feel more at ease. Oddly enough, it never makes me feel at ease. It only makes me feel like a jerk, petty and weak. I end up chastising myself for even going that route. You would never know all this turmoil is going on in my head at the time. I am polite and outgoing, and I even try to smile, although I rarely manage to pull that off at any time.
All that aside, even when I’m not wrestling with all that in my head, there are still those times that I see someone I perceive as different from me, and my initial reaction is “get a load of this”. I don’t know why. Young people, old people, pierced and tattooed people, people who dress funny or people who dress too conservative. Anything about the way they are acting or they look can catch me off guard and make me wonder what the hell is wrong with the world.
I usually catch myself when I do it, and I quickly correct myself and get over it. But that impulse is still there sometimes, and it bothers me.
I really don’t care what people do or look like or dress like. I think everyone should be whatever they want to be. Sure, I have my own ideas of what is fine and what is over the line in some extreme cases, but I honestly don’t think anyone has the right to dictate what other people can do with their lives. Who they can love, what they can wear, how they can act, whatever. As long as you’re not hurting anyone else, have at it. I don’t care about people whose jeans hang down, I don’t care if you pierce your face or weigh a hundred pounds or a thousand. Whatever makes you happy.
And still there is that momentary aversion every now and then. I know other people do it. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has never at one point or another poked me and pointed out some person that they thought was weird for some reason or another. In fact, most of the people I have met in my life will bond by putting others down. We have all done it at one point or another. It’s basic insecurity, I guess. Tribal behavior, set there by evolution.
The really odd thing is, I respect people that dare to be different. Sometimes I envy them that they have the nerve to be whatever the hell they want to be, damn who’s looking. I am huge mass of insecurities when it comes to my looks. I have suffered with body dysmorphia my whole life, I have battled through a few years of anorexia and bulimia. I can look in the mirror and not see reality, and that’s a pretty freaky feeling, let me tell you. Still, I find I’m more confident than a lot of people in some ways. It’s weird and complex and hard to get my head around.
So maybe that’s why I sometimes have these negative thoughts about people who have done nothing to deserve them. Maybe it’s me trying to make myself feel better, and sabotaging myself in the process. Like all hate or judgemental behavior, it is always more damaging than it is helpful. The sad thing is, I’m cognizant of it, and it’s one of the many things I worry about and am constantly working on. Maybe this is as close as I can get to eliminating it. Maybe it is always going to be lurking there to pop up and flash across my mind. Perhaps it is hard wired into our brains by evolution, and like so many things we just have to rise above it through sheer will and determination.
Sigh. All this work for something that is usually gone in an instant and happens only once or twice a month. Something that flits through my brain for a moment, and no one even gets an inkling it’s even happening. Still, I like to know what the hell my brain is up to at all times, and why it still engages in shitty behavior, even for a split second.
The only reason I bring any of this up, is because of the moment I went to check out at the aforementioned Staples. It was an annoying trip through the store, taking me awhile to find what I wanted, and being shocked at the prices they were charging. Oh well, what are you gonna do? When I got to the counter, the young girl working there seemed to be bopping along to some unheard music. I saw a wire going up to an earpiece, and I thought to myself what the hell? Is she listening to music while she’s waiting on customers?!
The thing is, she said hello, and asked if I found everything I was looking for. She smiled and was nice and courteous, so why did it matter if she was listening to music at the same time? Just her head bobbing, and mouthing some words annoyed the hell out of me for a few seconds. Why did I care?
I caught myself and was over it in less than 10 seconds, but why did I even feel that way? I calmed down and noticed that she was happy and pleasant, so good for her. If she could still wait on people and do her job, let her listen to her music. It now kind of made me happy that she could do that, and I thought about how the world could use more happy people, even if they did infuriate other people for no reason for a few moments here and there.
It was then that I noticed the wire and the earpiece was the thing all employees at Staples wore. It was a communications thing, to call other employees, to get help or a price check or whatever. This happy, sweet woman was just bopping along to a song in her head, not ignoring me or drowning me out with some outside noise.
And that’s when I really had to laugh at just how stupid I can be. It made me feel so much better about the world that she had music and joy and happiness inside her, even working at the checkout counter at some big box office superstore. Most people I see can’t feel that happy when everything is going their way and they are doing something they love. Eh, who knows? Maybe working at Staples is what she loves.
Whatever the case, I’m thankful that even though I retain some crappy impulses at times, it doesn’t dictate who I am. It doesn’t drown out the good and wonderful little things that exist all around me, at least not for more than an instant or two.
You may think that this is all a huge waste of time, to write about, or to even think about in my own messy brain, but I don’t think it is at all. Because I’ve seen how little things like this can wreck people. I see them give in to the darkness and make themselves miserable, until they see nothing but misery and things to hate all around them. I see people have these thoughts, and think that they must be horrible, and chastise themselves over and over and let it ruin their self worth.
We are not the impulses and moments of weakness in our lives. We are not the fleeting bad thoughts and flashes of negativity. We are not the mistakes we make and the bad decisions we have to recover from. We are not even the hate and prejudice and misery that these things can blossom into if left unchecked.
We are what we fix. We are what we control. We are what we choose to be, even after we choose wrong the first time, or the first hundred times. We are the rational conclusion we arrive at with a little bit of thought and empathy. We are a work in progress, always. We are that person that someone else might look at with a moment of annoyance or disgust, and we should be whoever we are regardless. It’s not our problem after all, it’s theirs.

What You Deserve

One of the most misunderstood and misused words in the English language is “deserve”.
People tend to think that there is some mystical force tallying up all the good and bad and doling out luck or rewards based on the totals. People often lament that they don’t deserve some bad luck or unfortunate medical news, but in fact a lot of that is simply down to chance. Even if you take impeccable care of yourself, health issues can arise out of nowhere. Young, in-shape, healthy people drop dead of heart attacks everyday while gluttons and inactive people live to be 100. Good samaritans get hit by a bus while abusers and thieves go merrily on their way.
If you go through life keeping track of your good deeds and expect the universe to reward you accordingly, you are in for a frustrating and unhappy life. Just because you treat someone well doesn’t mean that they are going to treat you well in return. Just because you give so much to others and the world doesn’t mean that the world is going to pay that back. No matter how careful you are, and how much you do all the right things, there is always a miniscule part of the equation that comes down to luck. Any gambler can tell you that no matter the odds, if there is a 1% chance of failure, then it is a very real possibility that you will go bust.
You can love and support someone, make vows and promises and legal contracts, yet often you do not get treated fairly, even by the people who love you most. Do you deserve to be treated like that? No, but neither do you get any guarantees that the person who loves you will hold true to any of those vows or promises or contracts just because you do.
Now we drift to the other side of “deserve”.
People turn it around, and feel that they don’t deserve love or happiness. That’s complete nonsense. As far as love goes, it’s not up to you. If someone loves you, that’s their choice, so obviously they see something in you that they feel is deserving of giving you their love. Happiness is something we all actually do deserve. Whether we live our life in a way that provides it is up to us. So many people punish themselves so harshly for things in their past, most of time for things that weren’t even their fault. They cannot forgive themselves for things that really don’t matter to anyone but them. They hold on to the bad things, and nurture them and waste their lives away, all because they pervert the meaning of the word “deserve”.
Even the worst criminals are protected from “cruel and unusual punishment”. Yet people rip themselves apart day after day in penance for the smallest slights. Rather than obsess on what you deserve, make amends and move on. Or just learn to let it go. Redemption is always possible.
People even go so far as to not think that they deserve any good luck that comes their way. There is survivor’s guilt, and superstitions, and simply a lot of people that can’t just appreciate a lucky break. They will sabotage themselves, and destroy any advantage they have. People will prey on them because they see a weakness and will exploit it, all possible because somehow they got the concept of deserving twisted up long ago.
You deserve whatever you can get, as long as you don’t harm others in the process. You deserve happiness and fulfillment and love, regardless of your past mistakes or how others treated you. You deserve your share of everything you earn, and you deserve the right to earn it. You deserve to be forgiven, by the people you wronged, and most importantly, by yourself. You deserve the same level playing field, and opportunities and rights as everyone else. If anyone tries to tell you different, resist or walk away. Those people are toxic, and any contact with them is bad.
Like everything, what you deserve depends on what you demand of yourself and the people in your life. Not as some cosmic reward for a vague concept of good karma based on random good deeds, but as the result of the work you do on yourself and the respect you give to others.
You need to go get what you feel you deserve, not wait around for time or the universe to give it to you. Sometimes that means fighting the world, sometimes it means changing the people in your life, but most of the time it means conquering your fears and your guilt and changing how you view yourself.
That is what you deserve.