Reflections On Turning 56

Reflections on turning 56
First off, I don't feel 56. I don't even feel like a grown up, most of the time. I know people in their 20's who seem more grown up than I do. Some of that might be because I never got married or had kids or owned a house, and some of that might be because I read The Little Prince as a kid, and took it to heart. Either way, I'm okay with it.
This year has been horrendous for most people, myself included. Still, there is always wisdom to glean and gifts if you recognize them. This year has probably been my best year as far as personal growth.
For instance, for the first time in my life, I finally got over the feeling that I am unlovable. I have never been good at being kind to myself, and I think a lot of people can relate to that. I berate myself, and try to find blame in myself for the things other people have done. I thought I would feel that way until the day I died, but I was saved from that fate, thank heavens.
I always talk about how my friend's kindness and determination and generosity inspire me, but this year, many of them turned that beacon on me when I needed it. It not only helped me out immensely in a practical and real world sense, it helped me heal, and it made me understand that I'm not alone in this world, not by a longshot. I actually got my George Bailey moment, and I'm forever indebted to you all for that.
The other thing I learned is that happiness is not just some thing that you get. It's not a commodity or a right, and it's not one all-encompassing thing. I learned that for me, happiness is creating. Happiness is accomplishment and contentment.
I have been a writer all my life, but I wasn't really doing it right. I was lazy about it, and I looked at it as more of an entertainment option than a job or responsibility. I would put the minimum effort into it, and let the rest go. This year, I discovered that you have to push yourself if you want better results. You have to write almost everyday, whether you feel like it or not. Sometimes you have to sacrifice other things for the craft. I discovered that editing and rewrites and touching up things brought its own rewards, and in some ways, they were even more fulfilling than the writing in the first place. It's fun to put up the scaffolding of a story, but it's more fun and more satisfying to hang things on it and build from there. I finished my first novel at 55!
So even the shittiest year can hold treasure and joy. I hope you all find your joy among the ruins that is 2020, and the rest of your lives. One thing I can tell you is that you're not going to do it alone. Isolation might feel safe, and confronting your fears and faults might seem scary, but we humans rarely accomplish anything worthwhile in a bubble or on an island. I learned that this year, and I implore you to learn that as well, if you don't already know it. We are stronger together. Figure out who you can trust, and who really loves you, and let them lift you up.
So thank you for everything you've given me this year, and know that I love you all.